The Kokomaster Syndrome

A prospective Client and I got talking about the value in Partnerships, over drinks at Base Lounge, Silverbird Galleria yesterday evening.

Not surprisingly, our chief Case Study was none other than the successful partnership between the Kokomaster, D’Banj, and his Producer, Don Jazzy.

My Client was of the opinion that without Don Jazzy, there can be no D’Banj; it’s interesting how he didn’t also see that as being vice-versa.

I instinctively agreed with him when he said that, but on a second note, I actually decided to think about it a little bit more before fully agreeing with him. I will be the first person to say that I’m scared about what might happen to D’banj’s career in the next two years, or even next year.

And I’m terrified of this because as much as I love D’banj, and see him as one of the most distinctive brands to have emerged from the Nigerian Entertainment Industry, he seems to be lacking in the one thing that assures of Longevity in any creative field.

D’Banj lacks quality Content.

I mean check out the ‘Endowed’ single; those beats were MAAADDD!! There is nowhere in the world that you’d hear that song and not want to gyrate!! (LOL..alright I can’t believe I just used that word..’gyrate’)

THE MAMA'S DID NOT 'GIVE AFRICA A VOICE'....SIGN THE PETITION

As much as I thought it was a nicely produced track, I was already tired of it within the first two minutes of listening to it. The lyrics could not engage me and get me wanting to hear the song again. It’s a nice song to have blasting loudly in my car when I want to drown myself in sound, but that’s as far as it goes.

Art and Music is about making a connection with the audience through every piece that is put out. No matter what anyone chooses to say about Tuface, one solid fact is that he never fails to make a connection (except when he's trying to 'Enter the Place') through his lyrics. His Content, most times gets me thinking about whatever he's talking about, whether I have experienced it or not.

The way it seems to me now, is as though it’s only the Don Jazzy end of the D’banj/Don Jazzy partnership that is making any connection right now.

It saddens me that D’banj has completely lost me at this point. I don’t even get excited anymore when I see him endorsing a product or hear that he’s going to be a part of something, because his delivery has become the same monotonous mantra.

And this is one Artiste I truly believed in..and well, probably still do; otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this.

CLAIM OWNERSHIP OF YOUR AFRICAN VOICE....SIGN THE PETITION

So back to my Client’s statement that without Don Jazzy, there can be no D’banj:

The Activist in me was ready to fight for D’banj and say “how can you say that”, but even the arguments I produced in his favor, to counter my Client’s belief, seemed futile.

I said, “But he was in Ikechukwu’s ‘Critical’ track, and he was great in it!!”

Ahhh...but wasn’t that a Don Jazzy again beat?

The only headway I seemed to make was by saying that D’Banj’s verse of Banky W’s ‘Lagos Party’ remix was my favorite of all and that wasn’t a Don Jazzy track?!

But this gets me thinking, just like in Marriage when two have to come together to make a complete single unit, is it possible that in Life and Business, there are just some people whom we will be unable to reach our full potential without?

If D’banj steps up on his lyrical Content today, and decides to walk away from Don Jazzy, would that be the end of his career, just because they split?

But if this principle applies, then how come whether or not Don Jazzy is producing a track for D’Banj, he ALWAYS makes a Touchdown?!

You know what, I’ve actually now convinced myself that it has nothing to do with a Partnership approved by the gods, but more of the strength each person is bringing to the table. If two people in a Partnership are giving their best, then they will do a fantastic job of COMPLEMENTING each other, not Completing as we’d like to believe.

So my dear Client, I disagree with you.

There is a D’banj without Don Jazzy; and vice-versa.

The only way this can be proven wrong is if D’Banj chooses to remain mediocre in his Content; then, he will forever be NEEDY of Don Jazzy to make up for what he lacks.

Kai..Tariere, you can like to take Panadol for another man’s headache!!!

TAKE A STAND FOR THE TRUTH....SIGN THE PETITION

MTV Africa Music Awards : The Little White Lie

For every time I ever heard the tag-line of the MTV Africa Music Awards commercial, I felt a cringe somewhere inside me.

I never really investigated the reason for that cringe, but I knew there was something terribly wrong with the statement being made at the end of the MAMA’s commercial.

“Giving Africa a Voice”

A few weeks ago, after hearing it yet again, I actually repeated it to myself a few times and it was immediately clear to me why I always had that negative reaction toward it.

It is a blatant LIE.

The MTV Music Awards is MTV’s signature continent specific Annual music Awards event. The MTV Europe Music Awards (EMA’s), MTV Asia Awards, MTV Australia Awards and now MTV Africa Music Awards are held annually in celebration of musical achievement around the world.

The MTV platform is very well recognized globally, and Africa was proud when in 2008, the first ever MAMA’s was held in Abuja, Nigeria.

Everyone was excited about this huge opportunity for African artistes to be recognized on an International platform. I was so excited about it, that I actually went to Abuja just for the Event.

Finally, we had our very own MTV Awards Event, as opposed to the African Act Category the entire continent had to struggle for on the Europe Music Awards (EMA’s) platform.

Nigeria’s TuFace and D’banj won the Best African Act Award in 2005 and 2007 respectively.


D'banj receiving his EMA

Without a doubt, African artistes have benefitted tremendously from the MTV Award platform and I celebrate that in every way I know how.

However, to make an outright claim that the MAMA’s platform ‘gives Africa a Voice’, is something I find completely absurd and insulting.

I think it’s just WRONG to say that.

It would have made a lot more sense if the tag-line was “Letting Africa’s Voice be heard”, that would have been a home truth that cannot be contested.

When someone says they gave you your Voice, doesn’t that mean that apart from them, you have no voice?!

So does this mean that before 2008 when MAMA’s was established, Africa had no voice??

But isn’t Fela Anikulapo-Kuti an African Voice which has been heard for decades before 2008? How about Mama Afrika, Mariam Makeba, who died in November 2008, but through her music, had been a Voice even in Apartheid South Africa?

What about Youssour Ndor, Brenda Fassi, Papa Wemba, Oliver De Coque, Seun Anikulapo-Kuti, Sound Sultan, Daddy Showkey and all the thousands of great Artistes who through their Music, have been a Voice for the millions of Africans they represent; did the MAMA’s give them their voice?

Let’s not even talk about our folklores; traditional music passed down from generations of Africans. Did your forefathers in the villages have televisions or any clue as to what MTV is?!

Even in personal relationships, the concept of “say what you mean and mean what you say” is an invaluable one, so it actually confuses me that a global brand like MTV, backed by a major indigenous Telecoms company, can confidently make such a profound claim, which is clearly a Lie.

Someone actually wrote that line, it passed through an Approval process, and has now been on Television for quite a while; a clear deception, being communicated to the millions of young Africans who watch and believe everything they hear and see on MTV daily.

How do you now convince the 13year old Nigerian boy, whose entire worldview is shaped by what he sees and hears on MTV Base, that Africa didn’t get her voice from the MAMA’s?!

How do you teach this same boy the concept of Individuality and the value of finding his own voice as a tool for making an impact in his world?

How do you convince him that there is pride in being African and much to celebrate about who we are and our history as a people?

I’m sure we all know that the best way to get anyone to accept an idea, regardless of how absurd it is, is to continuously confront them with it until they have no choice but to believe and accept it.

Why is it that the tag-line for the MTV Asia Awards doesn’t make the same claim?!

Have we as Africans become so desensitized to our own sense of Identity that we gleefully accept whatever we are told about ourselves, in exchange for an International Platform for our music?

Is that what it is?!

What about me? I have a Voice, it took me a long while, but I finally discovered it, and I have never been on the MAMA’s platform.

Neither has Tosyn Bucknor, whose voice gives hope to thousands of young people on the radio every week-day, or Funmi Iyanda who for years was a Voice for people who otherwise wouldn’t be heard, through her Talk Show on NTA.

Are these not African Voices?!

No matter how nicely wrapped a Lie is, it can NEVER become Truth. It will always remain a Lie.

The MTV Africa Music Awards with Zain, DOES NOT and DID NOT give Africa its Voice.

And that’s a Home Truth.

A True Star - Chima Dirichukwu

Before Saturday, the name Chima Dirichukwu meant absolutely nothing to me!!

I was quite familiar with the face behind the name, because it is very hard to not notice him in the way he carries himself and goes about his WORK with dignity and finesse. He’s also quite good-looking too!

Chima is a Waiter at Ice-Cream factory, who touched my heart in a way that would remain with me for as long as I live.


Chima Dirichukwu

Being the Diva that I know I can sometimes be, I wanted a glass of water, and told Chima, who had been serving me since I arrived for my meeting, that I wanted my water served with ice and lemon in a wine glass.

Not sure if they had one of those available, seeing that it’s an Ice-cream shop and all, Chima asked if I would mind being served in a Water-glass just in case they didn’t have a wine glass.

I asked him to check for the wine-glass and if they didn’t have, then I’d settle for the Water-glass.

12 minutes later, and Chima had still not returned with my order. I got slightly irritated and was about getting up to go make a complaint, when Chima appeared, hurrying toward our table with a Wine-glass in his hand.

He was breathing fast and quickly apologized, saying that he took a bike all the way to Falomo to get me the wine-glass.

Speechless, I said to him that he didn’t have to go that far, I could have settled for the water-glass. Then he said the words that just completely numbed me:

“No you WANTED a wine glass, so I made sure I went to get it for you.”



It was official: for one of the few times in my life, I WAS SPEECHLESS!!

Speechless because such Customer Service is a NOVELTY in Nigeria…and I’m not even exaggerating.

Speechless because, a lot of Waiters here don’t have that kind of thorough attitude toward their job; they act most times like they’re doing you a favor.

By going to that extent to ensure Customer Satisfaction in a job that probably doesn’t even pay his basic needs, Chima Dirichukwu has shown himself to be not only Excellent at whatever he does, but also as a Great Guy.

He is My Star.

Thanks Chima, may ALL your dreams come to be.

Current Location: Salon...Abuja

Issue On Ground: Acting Bitchy!!!

Solution: I honestly don't care!!


I started acting BITCHY from the moment I walked into this Salon. I'm very obsessive about Comfort and Value for Money, so from the point I walked in and saw tons of people cramped into a tiny space, with hardly any room for me to throw my legs on a side chair, in my natural Salon Posture, the resident Bitch in me delightfully raised her dashing head!!

The problem right now is that my Resident Bitch, inconsiderate and Diva-ish as she is, can hardly find anything to bitch about!

The good-naturedness of the Salon Owner and her staff is like cold water poured on her sparks. They are so funny, kind and team-spirited, and have met my need for Comfort through their ATTITUDE rather than the 'tooshness' of their place.

In fact maybe a little too comfy...the guy blow-drying my hair has had his crotch against my arm for the duration of this blow-dry!!

Now how do we address this? One, he might be a FREAK who is doing it on purpose. Two, he may just be sooo into his work and I'm the freak whose distance from the opposite sex is causing her to notice that the Dudue's crotch is on my arm!!

Hmmnn..so to be silent or to speak up?! Aahhhh..no need..the arm and the crotch have parted ways!!

My hair's looking good though! Still I miss Lagos..they DO me right!! And I am talking about my hair!!

For some very weird reason, I just felt a strong desire to be married right now!!

Its all this testeterone (I'm soooo sure this is not the spelling..but you get my drift) causing it..Men are quite the ish aren't they?!

MEN ROCK!!!!

Should Celebrities really get Preferential Treatment in Public Places?!

Hey people, I hope you’re having a fabulous week!!

So yesterday (ever wonder why Americans begin every sentence with SO?!), I decided to emerge from my self-imposed shell and go see a movie. Even though Sherlock Holmes was a good watch, it was the drama outside the theater that aroused my interest more.

The first was at the ticket counter when one of my friends who claims to be 24, (though we all suspect her to be in her late 30’s) produced an ancient Student ID card so she could get the ticket at half-price.

I was very curious about this, as I was sure the Attendant would log on to her scam right away. But to my utmost amazement, the guy took the old and very worn card, looked at the picture in it, looked up at my friend, scrutinized the picture once again, and then handed her a ticket.

WHAT THE HECK??!! Couldn’t he clearly see the Date of Issue and the Date of Expiry that are etched on the ID Card?! Or her face that looked nothing like a naïve University student’s?!

I was so mad at the fact that I was going to be paying the full price when these people clearly didn’t know what they are supposed to be doing!! Anyway, she, in all her thirty-somethingness got to watch the movie for a stipend…no wonder she wanted to leave in the middle of the movie (hiss- Naija Style).

The 2nd drama was at the Concession stand. There are two of them that serve all popcorn, scanty Shawarma, and pancake lovers, but one claimed to be close, leaving everyone to queue at the other. We were late for our movie but didn’t have a choice but to join the long line. In my opinion, it’s TONS of munchies that make a great movie!!

Anyway, so there we were counting the bodies till our turn, when none other than the Bad Boy of Nollywood himself, JIM IYKE, came walking into the Concession Stand section with, I must admit, a very HOOOOOOOOTTTTTT female on his arm.


Jim Iyke

Before anyone could say ‘To God be the Glory’, the apparently ‘closed’ Concession stand Attendants were grinning from ear to ear, unashamedly star-struck, and all of a sudden, the stand wasn’t closed anymore.

They attended to him like it was 8am and they had all day!! I’m sure if Jim Iyke had asked them for pounded yam, or even some caviar, they’d have produced it on the spot!!

My gangster friends immediately sprang to attention at the a-little-too-obvious discrimination, and proceeded to go and challenge the Attendants. But somewhere on the way there, I suppose they also got star-struck because within seconds they rejoined our queue like humble mice.

So this just makes me wonder…SHOULD CELEBRITIES REALLY GET PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT IN PUBLIC PLACES??!

Because at the end of the day, he wasn’t going to be paying any more money than we were for the same service!!

An Insider's take on Nigerian Banking

Alright! I officially hate banks!! Today I sat in a bank for nothing less than 3hours and you wouldn't believe that I actually had to leave without the money!! I wish I could write an interesting and brilliant article about the poor state of Nigeria's financial institutions but frankly, I don't know s**t about that.
What I do know is that it is absolutely nerve wracking to be sitting there for that long to get cash that I'm already spending in my head, and yet because of inefficiency within the bank's system, I don't get it?!
Why the heck would you boast to have an internal international transfer service, yet your tellers do not know how to operate the software(??)?
At the beginning of my long wait, I was all composed and elegant sitting up straight in the chair; Two hours later, and there I was cradling my head on my arms and resting both on my thighs. Then they start to commend me on my, get this, 'outstanding patience'.
Patience?? Little do they know that at a point I was gonna run out the doors to scream my head off!! But as a correct Naija somebody, being complimented on something I clearly know I do not have, I had to start battling to compose myself to be the bank's most patient customer of the year.
Ha! Patience. They should have kept me waiting for 10 more minutes and then they'd have seen the real meaning of 'patient'.