The Lover Girl VS The Sucker Girl

Lagos – The Land of Opportunity

Indeed. For a Single Girl looking for a relationship in which she can have ALL her needs met.

Now depending on what those needs are, Lagos provides just the right blend of men to satisfy the needs of the very demanding Single Girl.

There are two kinds of Single girls in Lagos (well, more actually, but for the purpose of this blog post) the Lover Girl & the Sucker Girl.

The Lover Girl is defined by the obvious: she believes in love. She might have had her heart broken and barbequed thousands of times, but she’ll still offer the pieces to the next deserving (in her mind) man that comes along.

The Lover Girl never tires of giving of herself, her resources and her heart; she will go to any length for a Man just as long as he is giving her the one thing that she desires – good loving.

The Sucker Girl on the other hand, has one mission and one mission alone: to hoover a Man of everything he’s got. His money, his connections (I hate that word!!), and any other thing that has the capacity to elevate her out of her present reality up unto a more desired level of comfort or achievement.

The Sucker Girl has over time hardened her heart to expecting any love; to her the language of love is chi-ching!!

If you love me you will DRROOOOPPPP for me!! She has no time for long thing.

She doesn’t even bother with any long conversations with a new guy if he doesn’t pass her initial Bling Test. The Sucker Girl always seems to be in full control of what’s going on and would only play the Love Game if it puts her in a better chance of getting more from the Man.

She is very intelligent when it comes to identifying the needs of the man she’s hoovering, and will shoot her Love game up if it’s something she identifies that he needs. That for her is usually quite a hassle as she would have preferred if the guy could just understand the relationship for the Arrangement that it is, rather than expecting her to now listen to his issues, or do any of those Lover things.

The few times she even considers loving, because she has been so brutally judged by all for her Sucking, she is not taken seriously and so she withdraws and hardens her shell, positioning herself for more intense Suckery. She will only love on her own terms and especially with someone who she may even know is Sucking on her.

The Lover Girl doesn’t care too much for money. If it comes with the Love Package, she will enjoy it but it never becomes her primary reason for being in a Relationship. The danger of being a Lover Girl however is that there is no available Insurance to take out on the certainty that your heart will be crushed.

We all know this town is rough, and the Lover Girl knows it too, but still insists in taking chances with her heart. Unlike the Sucker Girl, she is often perceived as weak and helpless and for the most part, feels that way.

Even when she tries to harden up and take rather than give, she finds herself falling back to her old ways because let’s face it, it’s just not who she is.

Either way it’s not easy being a Lover Girl or a Sucker Girl in Lagos. It’s not easy whether you choose to go for the Man OR for the Money.

Both have their own hazards but everyone still survives one way or the other. After all, this is Lagos, Survival is the name of the Game.

The Fallback Girl

Within the last two weeks, I have been let in on certain words within popular vocabulary that I didn’t quite understand before. These are words that a lot of people use in passing but may not really understand the depth of their meaning.

They are labels that we have cast on people within our environment or even ourselves because of situations or positions that they or we are in.

Within the next few days, I’m going to bring up each of these labels and talk a little about them. I would also really love to hear your ideas of what these labels represent and any experiences you might have had regarding them.

The first label is one that is quite interesting to me primarily because I have been it at certain points of my life and also because I can look around me right now and point out dozens of people I know whose present situations are what it represents:

The Fallback Girl

The Urban Dictionary defines a Fallback Girl as ‘a girl that a guy will always go back to after he is done with his current infatuation. She gets labeled the fallback chick because she will most likely take him back every time. She may or may not be aware that she is his fallback; she may even think she's his main girl while he does his dirt behind her back (or in her face). Or he keeps her around…’

I’m going to complete this dictionary’s definition by adding these words to the end ‘keeps her around as his safety net’.

She is the girl that the guy doesn’t necessarily want to commit himself entirely to, but wants to have around because he is certain that she will always be there to receive him whenever he chooses to come back.

She is the girl who wants something beyond what the guy is giving to her, but is too afraid to keep demanding for it as she doesn’t want to chase him away…so she settles for the crumbs she’s being offered.

She is the girl who is on the side while a guy is in a relationship, and makes excuses to herself because she has believed him when he says that she’s the one he really wants to be with.

She is the girl who is deceived into believing a guy is truly in love with her because he begs and begs her when she tries to leave. She is unaware that he’s just trying to protect his ego as he is afraid of losing control over this person whose emotions he’s been able to manipulate over time.

She is the girl who has stuck with a guy while he was in a relationship, and is unashamedly happy when that relationship is over. She patiently waits for him when he says he needs some time to heal, believing that now she can be with him for real. However, while she’s waiting, she discovers that he is now dating someone else. Yet she stays with him, still on the side and back to her original situation.

She is the girl who has defined herself so much by a relationship which she secretly knows is unhealthy, yet can’t bring herself to leave because of the fear of where to start from again.

She is the girl who has threatened to leave the relationship so many times but has still remained in it enduring the heartache and discomfort being there brings her.

She is the girl who has become like ‘the Boy who cried Wolf’ because she isn’t taken seriously by the guy when she threatens to leave, so he does whatever he pleases confident that she wont be going anywhere.

She is the girl who has lost all confidence in herself because of this relationship that makes her doubt her worth as a woman and as an individual.

I realize that there can also be conversely the Fallback Guy who is in the same situation the Fallback Girl is in and carries the same emotions.

It’s so easy to believe you are what a situation, a person or a relationship makes you out to be.

True liberty is in taking ownership and defining who and what you want to be. Today’s Fallback Girl or Guy is tomorrow’s whole, complete and total (I know they all mean the same thing jo) woman who is confident about who she is, wouldn’t settle for anything less than God’s best, and believes that what the future holds for her is far greater than anything she chooses to walk away from today.

For more resource on the Fallback Girl, check this out

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-fallback-girl-the-girl-who-cried-wolf/

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Label…