Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Fallback Girl

Within the last two weeks, I have been let in on certain words within popular vocabulary that I didn’t quite understand before. These are words that a lot of people use in passing but may not really understand the depth of their meaning.

They are labels that we have cast on people within our environment or even ourselves because of situations or positions that they or we are in.

Within the next few days, I’m going to bring up each of these labels and talk a little about them. I would also really love to hear your ideas of what these labels represent and any experiences you might have had regarding them.

The first label is one that is quite interesting to me primarily because I have been it at certain points of my life and also because I can look around me right now and point out dozens of people I know whose present situations are what it represents:

The Fallback Girl

The Urban Dictionary defines a Fallback Girl as ‘a girl that a guy will always go back to after he is done with his current infatuation. She gets labeled the fallback chick because she will most likely take him back every time. She may or may not be aware that she is his fallback; she may even think she's his main girl while he does his dirt behind her back (or in her face). Or he keeps her around…’

I’m going to complete this dictionary’s definition by adding these words to the end ‘keeps her around as his safety net’.

She is the girl that the guy doesn’t necessarily want to commit himself entirely to, but wants to have around because he is certain that she will always be there to receive him whenever he chooses to come back.

She is the girl who wants something beyond what the guy is giving to her, but is too afraid to keep demanding for it as she doesn’t want to chase him away…so she settles for the crumbs she’s being offered.

She is the girl who is on the side while a guy is in a relationship, and makes excuses to herself because she has believed him when he says that she’s the one he really wants to be with.

She is the girl who is deceived into believing a guy is truly in love with her because he begs and begs her when she tries to leave. She is unaware that he’s just trying to protect his ego as he is afraid of losing control over this person whose emotions he’s been able to manipulate over time.

She is the girl who has stuck with a guy while he was in a relationship, and is unashamedly happy when that relationship is over. She patiently waits for him when he says he needs some time to heal, believing that now she can be with him for real. However, while she’s waiting, she discovers that he is now dating someone else. Yet she stays with him, still on the side and back to her original situation.

She is the girl who has defined herself so much by a relationship which she secretly knows is unhealthy, yet can’t bring herself to leave because of the fear of where to start from again.

She is the girl who has threatened to leave the relationship so many times but has still remained in it enduring the heartache and discomfort being there brings her.

She is the girl who has become like ‘the Boy who cried Wolf’ because she isn’t taken seriously by the guy when she threatens to leave, so he does whatever he pleases confident that she wont be going anywhere.

She is the girl who has lost all confidence in herself because of this relationship that makes her doubt her worth as a woman and as an individual.

I realize that there can also be conversely the Fallback Guy who is in the same situation the Fallback Girl is in and carries the same emotions.

It’s so easy to believe you are what a situation, a person or a relationship makes you out to be.

True liberty is in taking ownership and defining who and what you want to be. Today’s Fallback Girl or Guy is tomorrow’s whole, complete and total (I know they all mean the same thing jo) woman who is confident about who she is, wouldn’t settle for anything less than God’s best, and believes that what the future holds for her is far greater than anything she chooses to walk away from today.

For more resource on the Fallback Girl, check this out

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Label…


  1. I so agree with this. A few years ago I was the fall back girl in a relationship I felt I couldn`t live without him in my life. After 2 years of being on the side, being unloved & having very very little self worth, I walked away. It was one of the hardest things Iv`e ever done.

    Giving up wasn`t easy, the relationship became like a dream of how things could be, not how things are. I decided to wake up & look forward to a proper relationship that would be about me. My needs, my feelings...

    Fast forward to today - I am happily engaged to someone who is so into me, loves me & adores me. I`m glad I walked away from being a fall back girl. I am glad.

    To other fall back(guys/girls) out there-wake up from this dream, move on, there is happiness out there, but you must be strong enough to make the move.
    Good luck. :)

  2. Hi Felly,

    Wow that's an amazing story!! I'm really glad that you're now in a relationship where you are loved and appreciated.

    I totally agree with you...being the Fallback Girl is the greatest self esteem destroyer ever!!

    I recognise that it's not an easy position to leave as one's sense of self worth is so destroyed to the point where you feel as though you can never get or even deserve better than this. I've been there too!!

    But leaving is the only option and once the made is made up, the strength will come!!

    Thanks Felly!!

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