YES...I'm TuFace's No 1 Groupie!!

*singing* "You and I were meant to be together baby...Can't you see that you are the only one for me"

Ahhhh...the pleasurable sounds from none other than the most dynamic and in my opinion, most relevant artiste in contemporary Nigerian music.

I have been in a secret love affair with TuFace Idibia since those days of Plantashun Boiz miming in front of a Zmirage lit backdrop on AIT Jamz!!

Of course he knows nothing about our affair...and that's fine with me, but I have stood by TuFace through thick n thin; baby-mama drama and 'Enter the Place'!!

He is one artiste that we have all watched evolve from a sonorous romantic crooner to the powerful and wise Street Philosopher he has become today.

TuFace has faced the demons of stardom and charmed them into becoming his servants! How many young guys could have gone through all that drama in the unkind glare of public criticism, and still come out on top of his game?

TuFace has been beaten, robbed and deprived, yet he came out screaming "NUTTIN DE HAPPEN" and inspiring us all!!

In this day where you see a lot of Artistes trying to conform to the stereotype of what the West expects an African Artiste to be, TuFace Idibia has remained true to his own Evolution and that is something worth celebrating him for.

His music is a collection of African stories; his sound, an expression of what the faceless men and women daily being mis-represented in the World Media are truly about.

TuFace is a living testament of the truth that true Education is about an awakened consciousness; an awareness of what is happening around you at every point in time.

He is in touch with his core; connected to his source...a beacon of hope to anyone who will also walk his path.

I've woken up this morning with TuFace on my mind because I'm excited that come Sunday, I'll be the No.1 groupie at his concert!!

This will be my 2nd TuFace concert...the 1st was a couple of years ago at the MTN XtraPro TuFace Tour.

I'm looking forward to experiencing yet another historical episode in the Making of a Musical Legend.

Let's Go There!!!

My Weekend In Pictures (and words) + A Timbuktu Catastrophe!!!

Thursday

Woke up feeling nauseous and so went through the day in Slow Motion..kinda like these Cows..



I'm still yet to really understand why there are sooo many Cows living in Cow..I'm sorry..Park View Estate!!

That evening was Toni Tones birthday party at Bacchus and I couldn't go cos by then I was really sick!!

She had a blast though!! Shout out to Banky W and Jessy Jagz for rocking my girl's party with impromptu performances!!

Friday

Was able to crawl out of bed for a brief meeting at Federal Palace Hotel..was done soon enough and so crawled right back into bed!!

My darling Tones came to smother me with some TLC later that evening...I felt better soon!!

Saturday

Errands! Errands!! Errands!!!

Later attended a Waterbrook Fellowship meeting at Ember Creek.





Christian Author and Speaker, Michelle Hammond was present for a time of intimate sharing.


Michelle Hammond

I found her perspectives really interesting, and she said some things that have actually been jumping out in my head randomly since then.





Michelle is funny, very down-to-earth, forthright and as REAL as they come. Needless to say, I was inspired, and quite glad I could make it.

I 'papped' some of her books which were on display...





Then I rushed for the Deola Sagoe Launch of her brand-new Polo Line..



Then came back home to meet a serious Timbuktu Catastrophe!!!

But first, I have to run you through how it all could have gotten to this point...

Mr Timbuktu's erratic behaviour began as soon as my sister, Ton,  came home for her Summer break.

She had barely even dropped her luggage on arrival, when she grabbed Timboks and made him do the 'Dutty Wine' and 'Migraine Skank'!! I fought her and got him back, hoping she hadn't upset him too much.

I was wrong!! One evening, I walked into my bedroom, switched on the light, and discovered right there, before my very eyes, Mr Timbuktu doing the 'Alanta'!!

I simply retraced my steps, turned the light back off, and pretended the incident had never occured!!

Then a couple of days ago, this is what I was confronted with as I stepped out of my bathroom after a morning shower...



I got very worried about these series of weirdness from Timboks, who is usually so strict and orderly...but I convinced myself it was probably just a mid-life Teddy crisis!

Then on that fateful Saturday, right after the Deola Sagoe event, it ALL finally came together the moment I walked into my bedroom and discovered this heart-rending scene...



Turns out Mr Timbuktu has a family!!!!

That was a little too much for me too handle, so I called him aside and demanded an explanation!!

*sigh* It's definitely true what they say about living with someone who'll turn out to be a complete Stranger!! Who would have thought that my very own Timboks would have such a colorful past?!

For confidentiality reasons, I can't share his story with you...but I'll just say that I understand why he was afraid to tell me earlier..he feared the Rejection!!

As I looked into his scared and apologetic eyes, the hardness of my heart gradually melted.

This is the same Timbuktu who had been there for me on many a cold night.

The same Timbuktu who had laughed and endured my silly jokes, when there was no-one to share with.

The very same Timboks who immediately turned on me with deeply concerned eyes if I ever as much as whimpered at night.

How could I throw him and his family out in the cold, after all we've been through together.

Hmmnnn...I finally had to make the hard decision. They could ALL stay!!

Mr Timbuktu broke down and wept, while getting on his knees to thank me. I summoned all my inner strength to make sure I didn't fall apart right then.

Then he grabbed my hand and took me to meet the Timbuktu family...



Introducing (L-R) - Timboks, Bindu (daughter), Tintu (son)& Greta (wife)

Well, there's my story..you'd probably do the same if you were me.

Sunday

Went to Church and then suffered a relapse of sickness, which kept me in bed ALL day!!

"I Love You, but I can NEVER tell you what I did!!"

I recently entered into one of what I refer to as my ‘Quiet Modes’.

It is a period during which my entire internal self goes absolutely quiet. I can’t hear myself, and I go about doing everything like I’m in some form of Auto-Pilot or something.

My ‘Quiet Mode’ is usually triggered by confusion about an issue or situation; when I’ve done something I don’t really like; or when I’m deeply hurt, afraid or uncertain.

This particular one was caused by hurt and uncertainty. Two of my closest relationships recently got all weird and distant, leaving me unsure about many things especially as regards myself, and so I withdrew into my safe ‘Quiet Mode’.

In both cases, I knew for sure that I was the one who screwed up. All of my close friendships are very solid, and mean a lot to both me and the other person because they are founded on complete honesty and openness by both parties.

Recently, however, I kind of screwed that up because I wasn’t completely honest about certain issues with my friend. My dishonesty wasn’t as a result of me intentionally trying to be deceptive, but rather because I wasn’t first honest with myself, and by lying to myself, I ended up misleading my friend.

That hurt him really bad and caused him to withdraw from me as he felt he couldn’t trust me anymore.

The second screw-up with my other friend was as a result of being a little too honest. I messed up, and then confessed what I did to him. He also felt that he couldn’t trust me because I had guaranteed him that I would not do what I did, and then by going ahead to do it, regardless of the word I gave, he now feels as though he can’t believe anything I say anymore.

So both of these my two very close friends, have sort of kept their distance from me as they don’t feel that the trust and openness which our relationships were initially founded upon, isn't there anymore.

So now you probably understand why I felt so unsure about myself and had to withdraw into ‘Quiet Mode’.

The 2nd situation especially got me thinking; I wonder if I should have kept quiet about what I did. I mean I knew I had screwed up and could have resolved within myself not to repeat the action, then lied to him. After all, since I was already going to do something to change myself regarding what I did, I didn’t have to go and spill the beans.

Everything would have still been well and good, as he would never have had to know.

But then the problem with me is that I’m such a giveaway. Like, it’s so hard for me to hide stuff from the people I really care about and am very close to. Even with my female friends, if I’m doing something I know is wrong, I'd rather avoid Seun Opaleye or Toni Tones through that entire period just so I don’t have to confess to them. Cos I know once they see me, I’d be different and they’d know something’s up, and then I’d have to tell. So I’d wait till I’m through and then go “remember when…”.

Yet I still wonder, in close friendships, relationships and even Marriage, is there a Degree of Disclosure that should not be reached?

Is the degree of Intimacy in our relationships determined by how much we tell or not tell?

Is it alright to NOT tell all? How do you decide which information is for sharing and what should be taken with you to the grave?

..And Man made God in his own image

I recently remembered the period of my life when I decided I was going to become a Supermodel!!

It was during one of those tormentingly loooonngg strikes or holidays (don’t remember which one it was) while I was in Unilag, and I got very bored and restless. So I got myself into all sorts of stupid and awkward situations, and soon got bored with those also.

Suddenly, I heard a commercial announcing one Silverbird Model Contest (turned out to be a one hit wonder) and my interest was immediately aroused. I made some more enquiries and then decided that I, Tariere Ekiyor, was going to be the next greatest Supermodel.


Janice Dickinson - claims to be World's 1st Supermodel

I didn’t care for one second about the fact that I had no experience in Modelling and was probably not even tall or skinny enough; I just believed it and enforced my unrelentingly stubborn will to making sure it happened.

So I began working out like a deluded monster, cut down on my food and alcohol, and then went deeper, by making a pact with God that I’d be good from then on and stop smoking and doing err...some other things, if only He gave me what I wanted – to win the Contest.

So for the next 2 weeks up until the Audition/Selection Process (not sure what it’s called), Mother Theresa had nothing on me mehhnn!! I was the embodiment of all things Saintly. I even got a few weird and questioning stares from members of my family, but I kept my secret to myself.

Then the D-day came. My lack of experience in the cut-throat world of Fashion, led me to wear a short white dress for the Auditions. I remember staring at all the tall, super-skinny models in black and swallowing once or twice, but I maintained my stance after all, had they made the same Divine Deal or sacrificed to the levels I had?


Kate Moss

My turn came to walk the room before the judges who were to select the girls who would eventually compete. As I strutted before them in all my saintly glory, I’m sure all it took was probably the jig of my traitorous ass (which my friend, Yvonne, has aptly named the ‘Yansh of Shame’) for them to say “NEXT”!!

So I stalked out of there, hailed a taxi, made a quick stop at the first roadside shop I saw and was soon relaxing into the back seat of the cab with a cigarette nicely fired up!!

I remembered this incident after a conversation I was having with a friend yesterday, about how everyone tries to use God to get what they want. For me at the time, I didn’t give a flying ram’s ass what God wanted for me; all I could think about was ‘Supermodel’, ‘Me’.

At various points in my thinking, I’ve had to remind myself a lot, that I exist to fit into God’s plans and not Him into mine. I do wonder what He thinks in situations like my experience where people come to Him and try to manipulate Him to do what they want, even though it goes against the plans He has for them or all that He stands for.

I almost had a heart attack recently when a friend revealed to me that for almost an entire year, she was crying to God every night to ‘Bless’ her with a married man that will come and change her life financially!!

..And Man made God in his own Image...

My Dad was the guy who...

I miss my Daddy!!

He died in 2001 at the age of 62. Even at that age, he was the guy who still used to run down the stairs and get up every morning to do his Yoga routine.

Right from when I was very little, up until just before he died, he would still make the funny yoga facial expressions that would cause me to squeal in frightful excitement and run out of his room.

My Dad always smelled nice. Kourous by Yves Saint Laurent!! That was his fragrance.

He was the Charismatic, tall, handsome and fair-skinned man that was always immaculately turned out. My Dad never missed his manicures and pedicures and after a while even assigned me the exclusive role of doing them for him. It was always a joke around the house that I was his 2nd wife.

He was the guy who when I was struggling with my grades in Secondary school, would leave his busy schedule and come to school and find out from all my teachers why exactly I wasn’t doing well. He never made me feel bad about myself regardless of how many times I would fail, but would instead, boast proudly to anyone that cared to listen, about how magnificent I was as an Athlete.

My Dad has 10 kids, yet he had a special way of making each and every one of us feel as though we were his favorite. My siblings and I can argue non-stop, each claiming that they were his favorite, because of the special and unique bond he formed with each of us.

He’s the guy who would stay up late at night helping my immediate older sister write the Speech that caused her to win her Law Student Union elections by a landslide.

He’s the guy who would help another sister see the vision of what a few years down the line would be like, when she was having challenges at the beginning of her career and wanted to give up.

He’s the guy who would jokingly boast to us about how he kept no secret from my Mum apart from when he had girlfriends!!

He’s the guy who never turned anyone who came to him for help away without giving them something..anything.

My Dad’s gift to the world was his heart.

A heart that went out to the weak, the poor, the oppressed, and fought valiantly to give them hope for a future.

A heart that gave generously of itself at ALL times, irrespective of if it was getting little or nothing in return.

A heart that was blinded to the flaws of everyone it encountered and addressed each person according to his/her potential.

A heart that loved till the very end.

Even 9 years after you’ve been gone Daddy, you’re still very much a part of me. I see you all the time in my dreams. You’re alive in my dreams; laughing, talking in your usual excited manner, comforting, encouraging. You’re alive Daddy!!!

I’ve been through so much since you’ve been gone. A lot of which I know you’d be disappointed in me for. However, in all of that, I’ve never forgotten something you always said.

Remember when we had to walk past you in church to go take the Holy Communion?! And you’d watch us..your girls, as we walked by?!

Then later. You’d say to us, ‘When you walk, no matter where you are, always hold your head high.”

In spite of everything I’ve been through Daddy, I never forgot that. I’m still holding my head high, Daddy.

Thank you Daddy. I love you.

Church Crush - Update

Ya’ll have probably been wondering what went down with my Church Crush (let’s call him CC).

Well, after listening to all your very knowledgeable advice on how to approach him and some advice to just BONE him, I actually considered the option of going to talk to him.

This was the range of my plans:

- Smile at him the next time our eyes meet, then extend my hand and say “My name’s Tari..” then take it from there.

- Ask a male friend in church to go and do the research for me and come back to report to me. But I ditched that plan as I was too shy to reveal my Crush or my plan to my friend. Strange, seeing that I had not much of a problem telling the hundreds of people who come to my blog.

- Talk to the girl and make reference to him so she’d have to reveal if he was her brother, friend or boyfriend. I ditched that also...too manipulative for me!!

- Final plan and the one I went along with for a while...just EX him and free him from my mind. After all if he was interested in me, I don’t see any bodyguards surrounding me..abi no be so??!

The final plan went along quite well. I’d see him and just look the other way. I was still very aware of his presence, but it wasn’t anything too serious.

That could have gone along pretty well and trust me, by now I wouldn’t even be seeing him even if he is standing right in front of me. But the boy is just tooooo cute!! Chai...that is his crime!!!



Have you ever tried to ignore a light shining directly at you? Futile effort abi?! That’s what it’s like trying to ignore him!! It doesn’t help that I have a radar for Hotness, so even when I forget him, I’d just still be uncomfortable, as my radar is picking some strong Hotness signals around me!! Then I’d look around, and sure enough..

So one day, I was sitting next to a female acquaintance in church and he happened to stand up and pass by close to us. So I ask her “Yeah that guy does he have a brother?”

She says “I'm not sure but he has come with his family once or twice.”

I say (wrinkling my face, trying to remember) “he reminds me of someone I met, I dunno why I feel like it’s his brother”.

She says “His name is...”

Bingo!!! Just like that we have a name. This boy sef…even his name is hot!!

I rounded up the conversation, “Nah..don’t think it’s the same person”.

Alright guys, no-one can accuse me of not being sharp abeg!!

So now armed with a name, my dilemma becomes even more real as I have a name to attach it to!! Really had to reconsider the wisdom of my ‘Sharpness’.

It is worthy to note that for every time I saw him, the babe was still always with him!! So I became more and more convinced that she was his girl.

Brothers and sisters are not that close abeg!! Brothers are generally not that nice to their sisters..as in keeping a seat for them in church kind of nice!!

So again, I thought “Mehn lemme free this guy jooo!” then one day I was convinced:

They were sitting right behind me (yeah I had to go through that..more than once), and the Speaker was telling a story which ended with this prayer: “Your husband will not die early in Jesus name”

The “HALLELUYAH” that the babe screamed from right behind me was enough evidence to convince me, a jury and an entire nation of Single women that sitting right beside her was either her husband or husband to be.

I rest my case.

Join the discussion on the Facebook group page if you can't comment here...

"Who Am I" "Who Am I"...

I have to confess...I have a massive crush on D'Prince of Mo'Hits!!!!

Seriously, the guy makes me laugh. If I'm down and I set my eyes on him, everything changes!! So imagine my excitement when I found out that the video for his hit track 'OMOBA' was out!!

I wasn't disappointed!! Sheck irrout mehn...

My Sweet 26 First Date

This may sound weird, I mean like really, really George Bush wearing iro and buba kind of weird, but I just have to say it….

I went for my first proper date on Saturday!!!

26 and three-quarters years old, been in like 800 relationships, and yet never been on a proper, proper date!! I mean the kind when you meet a guy, give him your number, he asks you out, you agree, you leave him to plan where he’s taking you, he comes to get you, you get into the car...and yeah all proper first date protocol.

I was super-excited on Saturday morning and was hopping all over the place singing “I’m going on a date!!” I felt like I was 14years old and being allowed out with a boy for the first time. Even the matter of life and death decision of what to wear on a first date couldn’t dampen my enthusiasm.

I thought of wearing a short, white dress, in my usual Lagos weekend style, but ditched the idea….didn’t want him to be on a date with my legs instead of me.

Go simple in Skinny jeans and a baby-tee?! Nope...might make him feel just a little too comfortable like we’re already together or something.

So I finally decided on a white vest and dark brown, mid-calf length baggy corduroy pants. Better to look like ass-kicking Lara Croft of Tombraider on a first date than an Ijaw version of Marilyn Monroe.


Angelina Jolie in her 'Lara Croft' persona

I kept him waiting for like 8mins (not good enough yeah?!) while I got ready. It felt damn good keeping him waiting, knowing that he wouldn’t dare complain about it and spoil the Mr Nice Guy persona that he has to have to keep the game going.

He took me to see ‘Date Night’, which was the mid-afternoon special at the cinema. And yes tried the whole putting the arm around me thing in the dark theater. I almost exploded as I tried desperately not to burst out in laughter. My goodness!! I couldn’t believe that he would actually get up to such a cliché gesture!! Anyway, that didn’t last a minute.

The movie was great…..I laughed hysterically at the antics of two of my most favorite people, Steve Carrell and Tina Fey. And then displayed my silliness by shouting “Whacked Off” loudly complete with the hand gesture and all, after an on-screen joke that I only got like 2minutes after. My date almost disappeared into his chair!!


Steve Carrell & Tina Fey in a scene from the movie

Then I almost choked, as he decided that I needed to be fed popcorn and kept on shoving fistfuls into my mouth. My mouthful mumbling of “I don’t want” definitely wasn’t very well comprehended. In a gasping for air kind of moment, with the next fistful on its way, I finally managed to say a coherent, “Please stop feeding me popcorn!!”

We went for lunch afterwards, where he told me about his recently ended relationship, which by my reckoning might be yet another break in their 5year on and off relationship.

I took him for a huge ice-cream dessert afterwards and then we walked the Beach where I demanded that he call one of those Mobile Rasta Musicians to come play me a special song. He couldn’t believe it and let me know that he wasn’t going to be by my side while that happened. I said it was fine. I called the guy myself and surprisingly, my date stayed right by me and we were soon singing the song together long after the Rastaman had left.

All in all it actually was a very interesting and fun first date. I hope my date feels the same sentiment as he looked kind of sad as I skipped happily into my house after refusing his first-kiss gesture.

So how do you rate my Sweet 26 First Date experience??!! I invite you to do with me what I spend hours with my Terror Squad doing: breaking down every gesture, word and/or action that came from my poor date.

Leave comments on TARIERE Facebook group page if you can't comment here...http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=19692&uid=194337937263#!/topic.php?uid=194337937263&topic=19692

Relative Loneliness

Life can become pretty quiet when you’re alone. I never really understood the pressure a lot of older and not-so older Single women place on themselves to find that ‘Significant Other’, until very recently.

I heard a lady speak very passionately about what she’s going through as a 40yr old Single lady with not even a toaster in sight. One of the things she said was that people are probably irritated at how loud and talkative she is in public, but what they fail to understand is that she endeavors to say everything on her mind in public as she knows that when she gets back home, she’ll be all alone with no-one to talk to.

I’m currently at a place in my life I’ve never, never been in before: Completely Single. I’ve always been in one relationship or the other ever since I gained consciousness (and I’m not exaggerating). There has always been someone. The prime advantage of being where I am right now is that for the first time in my life, I’m not being defined by who I’m with or the relationship I’m in. I’m discovering myself, the person that I’ve never known all this while, and trust me; it’s a very exhilarating experience.



So I spend a whole lot of my time alone and have now become familiar with the quietness. It was difficult for me to embrace at first, but I am now quite comfortable and appreciative of it. It is in the quietness of my solitude that I have become truly acquainted with the voice within.

But then there is that other voice, the voice of my Experience. The one that always tries to convince me that I’m not enough for myself. The one that is adept at pointing out what I lack. The voice that is like the Umpire with a loud whistle, determined to set me back on the track in pursuit of something, anything.

He has been in charge for the entirety of my life and is doing everything possible to get me back on the Race to attain the promise he holds up at the end of the track. The problem is that in my entire journey my small sense has shown me that there is no end to the Pursuit. There will always be something that ‘if you just take one more step’ you’ll get.

The Umpire points out the possible elation to be found in yet another conquest, the thrill of finding a new high, or even the prospect of a more shattering orgasm. His goal is to keep me in constant pursuit.

But my legs are tired, my heart is overstretched, and my arms are flailing...I think I’m just going to rest.

Rest in the peace that comes with appreciation of where I am. Rest in the knowledge that everything I truly need I have. Rest in the loving acceptance that I’m not perfect, but who ever said that God needed me to be.

Yeah, that’s it...Rest.

Nigeria and the Culture of Death

Ever since this new development occurred in Jos, Nigeria, I’ve felt the need to say something about it on the Blog.

Primarily because it’s something that has really affected a lot of people and there’s been a mass outcry against the horrific deaths of fellow Nigerians in the incident. Also because it is a relevant issue, one that everyone is talking about; and so I felt like I should also say something.

However, the very honest reason why I haven’t said anything about it since it happened is simply because I had absolutely nothing to say!! Age-old wisdom advises that when you don’t have anything to say, Silence is your best friend.

I haven’t had anything to say about it, because, cold and heartless as this might make me seem to you, I felt nothing about it. I saw all these people, men, women, children, butchered and burned to death for nothing, and I felt absolutely NOTHING!!

That, my friend, is what terrifies me the most.

In my 26 years on this earth, spent living in relative comfort and security, I have become so de-sensitized by my environment that I feel nothing even when being confronted with such evil in its purest form.

I was on the beach not too long ago, just sitting quietly in front of the water. There were only a few random people around me. As I watched the waves and took in the general beauty of nature, I noticed that there was something the waves kept tossing toward the land. It was a dead body!!

You would imagine that pandemonium would have immediately broken out, and everyone would have screamed, particularly me, and run away, just as it is in the movies. No, not in this reality.

I simply shook my head, as did the other people there, and maintained my position in front of the water for another hour. Very soon, the corpse soon became to me just another element in the general ambience of the beautiful waterfront.
I can give you countless other instances of how I and people around me have reacted to such horror situations, right here in Lagos.

What happened in Jos is barbaric. My heart does go out to everyone who has had to suffer such inhumanity. I really do wish I had something to say that would bring immediate change and relief to all the victims, but in truth, I don’t.




In my country, Death has become a way of life. My greatest fear right now is that I may have been assimilated into its culture.

SIBR & The Church Crush

Hey, have you ever wondered what TARIERE means? Well I’m going to tell you whether or not you care!! TARIERE means ‘Beloved One’. It is an Ijaw name (specifically Nembe which is a language…or dialect of Ijaw). The Ijaws are a tribe from the Niger Delta area of Nigeria.

Somehow I just felt the need to share that piece of information with you seeing that we’re in the season of LOVE and all! (wink, wink)

My weekend was fabulous as usual!! I realized sometime in the middle of a pedicure on Saturday that I’m a Strong, Independent, Beautiful and Relevant Woman, and so my sense of Fabulosity skyrocketed this weekend and into the week….even now.

On Sunday I took my SIBR self to church. Toni Tones (my super-cool fashion photographer friend) came to church with me. Before I go into the main gist, I have to make a confession: I have a huge crush on a certain guy in church!!

I’ve never spoken to him; don’t know his name or anything else about him except for the fact that he is just sooooooo cool!! He is so not like your regular guy; he has this air about him that says “I make my own rules” and seems to be completely his own person. I find that super attractive.

I just scope (check him out) from a distance. I have also caught him staring at me once or twice but that’s just about the extent it’s gone. Last week, I noticed he was sitting next to this really pretty girl…my heart sank but I decided to watch them a little more before concluding that she was his girlfriend. There were not really any tell-tale signs, just some whispering and laughing together one time.

On Sunday, there they were again!! As soon as I set my eyes on him and he was with her, I decided on the spot that my little scope-fest was over. So I officially ended the relationship that never was….until Toni Tones opened her big mouth.


Toni Tones

I had succeeded in not scoping my Crush for most of the service, and was enjoying myself when Toni suddenly nudges me and goes “Yo! Cute guy…your 12 o clock”. I bent my head and silently prayed that she wasn’t talking about him because I really do appreciate our friendship (all those free photo-shoots I get). When I finally looked up to check out my 12 o clock, sure enough it was him.

I sprang into action and warned her not to even think about it…my territory; we argued back and forth until I decided to drop the bomb on her. “Besides I think that babe he’s with is his girlfriend”. That got her silent for a minute.

Anyway, Toni and I spent the rest of the service comparing their noses and monitoring the Body language to determine if just maybe they could be brother and sister. The girl caught Toni staring a couple of times but that didn’t deter us.

Toni soon turned on me attacking me and calling me a Wimp. According to her I’ve been just scoping him for ages and done nothing about it. She thinks I should have at least gone to have a ‘chance’ conversation with him by now.

Alright now you see the problem is that I’m a very traditional girl. I cannot imagine myself propositioning a guy!! As in what on earth do I want to say to him?! “hey I’ve been checking you out for weeks and have even broken up with you in my mind a couple of times!!” Err…Psycho Alert!!

Toni isn’t taking it lightly at all. She is demanding that I go and talk to him. I on the other hand am completely fine doing the scope-game possibly forever. If our ever speaking depends on me, then it’s probably never going to happen.

But Toni’s got me thinking….am I being the Chicken she has now began calling me? I mean me going to meet him to talk to him instead of the other way around; doesn’t that make me seem a little too available? What if the girl he was with is really his girlfriend and I go and talk to him, I’ll just end up looking like a fool?

Why I ever allowed that girl come to church with me I’ll never know!! But really, Girls, Guys… what do you think? Should I brave it and go talk to him or just play it safe and keep doing the scope game??!

“Forgive me Father for I have sinned”

Alright it’s Confession Time.

It was about 6:40pm as I rushed into the meeting room where everyone was already seated and actively engaged in our weekly Wednesday Bible Study.

As a Nigerian who is as guilty as the vast majority when it comes to punctuality, I felt no serious guilt about being almost 40minutes late to this serene gathering of bible students.

So as I make my grand entry, I spot an empty row of seats two rows to the back and make my way to take the chair at the extreme end.

Suddenly, just like in one of those bad horror flicks in which an ordinary mortal finds himself being transformed into a grotesque alien-like creature, my hand begins to jerk.

It rises like it has developed a mind of its own and operates independently of my entire body. I watch it and try to will it down, but soon realize that this appendage of mine has become more powerful than I.

My hand exercised its sovereignty within the 4-5 seconds it took me to walk from the beginning of the row to my seat. In the middle of the walk, right about the 2.5th second, my hand finally achieved its objective….to show everyone behind me the expensive, designer bag I was carrying!!

Even as I realized with sincere horror what my traitorous hand was up to, and commanded it to stop, it got even stronger, and lifted the really weighty bag even higher and more in the face of all who didn’t have a choice but to see the indulgently pricey and no-mistakenly-designer(ness) of my bag.

Finally the 4th second arrived and I was seated in my chair. My hand fell to my side innocently as though it hadn’t just put me through yet another Walk of Shame.

I hung my head in despair; how on earth could I dare to look once again in the face of these people who I had just proved to that I had such a low self-esteem and needed my bag to prove to them (or really myself) that I was worth anything??!

What I had just done with that little action was demand for them to “LOOK AT ME I’M A BIG GIRL!! CAN’T YOU SEE MY BAG??!!”

Such a shame!!

But life has got to go on!! What do I do now? Stop going to church or anywhere else at all? OR Stop carrying bags or wearing clothes, shoes or anything else that make a statement of their own?

All I pray is that they didn’t take notice of my absolute foolishness. OMG has anyone else in another place, at another time observed me in such a display of folly?!

HELP!! How on earth can one enjoy the really ‘good things’ without allowing them take over and define who you are??!!


Victoria Beckam proudly sporting her Birkin