Hey Guys, Do You Have The BALLS To Read This?!

A few weeks ago, we talked about the 2 kinds of girls there are in Lagos; for the purpose of that post, I identified them ‘The Lover Girl’ and ‘The Sucker Girl’.

Today, I’m sharing my observations on the different types of guys I’ve seen and interacted with in Lagos.

I will say again, that there may be more types of guys than the three I’m identifying here, but for the purpose of this post, here are my three different types of guys in Lagos (or maybe in the world?!):


The Fly Guy

I don’t mean this in a bad way, but this guy is completely LOST!!

His expressed identity is marked by the fact that he has absolutely no clue who he is. Like with every other human being, the search for meaning and relevance has driven him to embrace all manner of thought patterns and egoic behaviors, as a definition of who he is.

The Fly Guy has become trapped in the false Idea of who he should be, or wants to be, propounded by every single Influential force in this world, other than the one deep within him.

He has no true sense of Self; this is expressed in the things that he uses to define his Self-Worth. You would see the Fly Guy in the clubs, popping Champagne not because he has something to celebrate, or he wants to be generous, but because he feels the need to do that to affirm his worth, not only to himself, but also to people around.

He would also be the Guy who you hear boast about how many chics he has on his case, how much money he has, or basically any other thing he believes would give him some value.

It’s funny because, I know some Fly Guys with genuinely good hearts, but they are sooo lost in being ‘Fly’ that their goodness is choked by the need to be what everyone else expects them to be.

If only the Fly Guy would look deep within himself and search for the core of who he is, Lagos would change overnight, cos we would have way too many Good men in this town.


The Limbo Guy

This guy has had a glimpse of who he can be.

He knows that within him lies the capacity to be a fantastic Leader, Follower, Husband/Boyfriend, and generally an excellent Person.

The problem with him is that he allows himself too many opportunities to be weak.

He knows what is right; he can do what is right; but for some reason, he limits himself from BEING who deep within, he knows he can be.

He has believed the lie that he has to have a certain amount of money, power, influence or whatever, before he can rise up to becoming the person he should be, and so he wallows in the mediocre standards that everyone around him celebrates.

The Limbo Guy constantly has a silent frustration growling on the inside of him. He is not satisfied with where he is and who he expresses himself to be, but he has made himself powerless by the thought that there’s nothing he can do about it.

He’s that guy that you see and would be like “this is a cool guy”, but would turn around and shock you by one really screwed-up thing that he does, which even him would not be able to explain why he did.

If only the Limbo Guy would stop for a moment and say “F*#k it mehn, let whatever wants to happen happen, I’m gonna BE who I know I am, right here, right NOW”, trust me, there’ll be a Revolution in this town.


The God-Man

Alright let me confess, I’m smiling as I’m writing about this Man.

This is a Man. He knows who he is, and has no apologies about it. You can’t blackmail this Man, cos he knows that he is not defined by his past, his weaknesses, or his flaws, but by the resident knowledge that he is from God.

One of the most visible marks of the God-Man is the fact that he takes charge. As a woman, or even as a male, you can’t be around the God-Man and not feel safe.

He is not threatened by anyone, no matter how much more money, power or influence the person has. He is secure in who he is and that security emanates from his veins as some Confidence that everyone perceives, but can hardly define.

The God-Man is powerful by his person. Okay, let me re-phrase; the force of his personality alone, not what he has, commands the utmost respect from whoever comes in contact with him.

In spite of that, he is humble and doesn’t ever see a need to announce himself. He has a kind heart and goes beyond knowing what is right, to actually DOING it.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t make mistakes, but his balls are large enough to allow him take ownership of what he has done and do everything in his capacity to make amends.

Now, don’t think that because I’ve called him a ‘God-Man’ means that he’s some kind of holier-than-thou person who’s always in church or is a Pastor. That’s not what I mean; a God-man can be that guy who everyone thinks is the Villain, because he doesn’t conform to the general standards or expectations. So it’s not a Religous thing, but more a knowledge of Self, and use of that knowledge to touch and impact the lives of others.

Unfortunately, there are only a handful of God-men in Lagos; but the great thing is that the God-Man has an out-of-this-world capacity to inspire the best out of those around him, so I have faith that more and more God-Men would be raised, and hopefully, one of them would come and ask me to marry him. *huge smile*

Anyway, I have to remember that a God-Man is only attracted to a woman who possesses the values he esteems.


So these are the 3 distinct types of Guys I’ve observed right here in Lagos. Checking guys out is a hobby I very unashamedly enjoy, so I’ll be sure to do some more Research on this subject.

For those of you who live outside of this city and know your terrain well, please feel free to enlighten us on the types of guys in your part of the world...

Da Grin...still talking to me!!

There’s been heaviness in my heart from the moment I heard about Da Grin’s death; it’s still there even as I write this.

I didn’t know him personally; I’m just another random lover of his music. I prayed for him when I heard about the accident and even watched a TV recording of him performing at the recent Kennis Music Easter thing, earlier this week. I remember laughing hysterically at his screaming/laughter(not sure which it is) during his performance.

I guess the major reason I feel so sad is because I feel as though it could’ve been anyone in the accident that led to his death. I have been in car crashes before, nothing fatal, but life threatening all the same.

It is unfortunate that in this country of ours, it is a nightmare to be left in the hands of our Emergency Services, as they might as well just be called waiting hearses. I don’t even want to depress myself more by thinking that it’s very possible his life could’ve easily been saved.


Da Grin

I know in our collective loss, we all want to hold someone..anyone responsible for his untimely death; our security operatives, Road Safety, LUTH, or even Da Grin himself for not being more responsible.

But at the end of the day, none of that is going to bring him back. None of that is going to change the fact that the extremely talented rapper who was undoubtedly set to be Nigeria’s next greatest export, has been cut off right at the onset to his prime.

Finally I can’t help but be grateful to God for my life. I don’t know for a fact if Da Grin was intoxicated in any way, but I do know how many times I and people close to me have been in the same situation that led to his accident and eventual death, and by nothing else but God’s grace, we are still here.

His death has also opened my eyes to appreciate the things that are truly important in life here on earth. I know for a fact that those things that take priority in my life that give no benefit to any other thing but my own ego and sense of accomplishment are nothing but a waste of time.

Da Grin’s voice has not left my head since last night. I don’t understand Yoruba, yet I connect with him. I’m bonded with him forever. His story is carved in my heart and has a place in my consciousness whether I like it or not.

When a life is lived beyond oneself, Death has lost its sting. Oladapo Olaitan Olanipekun aka Da Grin, keep talking...I hear you.

VONNE

Hey Guys!!

On Sunday the 27th of December 2009, the Debut Collection of VONNE a Lagos-based Fashion Line was unveiled at The Kuramo Waters of Protea, Victoria Island, Lagos.

VONNE is not for kids; if you're a safe and conservative dresser, then you have no business with VONNE.

It's for those women who are ready to invoke the Wild & Daringly Sexy Goddess that is the Alter-Ego of every woman.

The Designer of the line is the ravishing Yvonne Nwosu who is the Poster Child for what VONNE represents.

Check these out:





















And finally.....


The Lady VONNE...wearing VONNE

Those were just a few of the VONNE Collection.


VONNE & The VONNETES

Alright so I guess it's time to start Invoking...if that's your thing!!

The Paymaster

We’ve been talking about labels for the last few days (well, I’ve been talking about labels seeing that you have shied away from giving your views) The Fallback Girl and the Un-available Man were the two labels that we one-sidedly discussed.

The label I’m sharing today I must admit has had me cracking up since the first time I heard it last week. It is none other than…get ready for it…The Paymaster!!!

The Paymaster as I have come to understand it from a girls’ perspective, is that one ‘Chairman’, the guy that takes care of all your needs and gives you a steady and unlimited supply of cash whenever you need it (and when you don’t).

The girl may reciprocate The Paymaster’s ‘kindness’ by providing sexual favors or err…um…whatever kind of ‘other’ favors that he may require which may sometimes exceed the conventional sexual boundaries…(use your imagination dammit!!!). On very rare occasions, The Paymaster just requires the companionship of a warm blooded young female, and nothing else.

Conversely, there is also the existence of The Paymistress, who plays the same role to tons of young, pretty guys here in Nigeria. Interestingly, some of the beneficiaries of The Paymistress as I’ve heard include certain popular Nollywood actors, Lagos ‘Big Boys’ and even some of our very own beloved music Superstars!!

So there you have it, my revelation of three very important labels which I just got acquainted with recently (…and don’t you mistake that for naivety!!).

I really, really want to hear what you have to say about these labels. I know you have a lot of interesting opinions or experiences to share about them, which I and I’m sure other (anonymous) readers would love to hear.

Your comments are always welcome.

The Emotionally Unavailable Man

“I’m dating an Emotionally Unavailable man and it’s driving me crazy”. That was the revelation made to me by a dear friend of mine who reached the depths of depression and had begun to feel as though life wasn’t worth living anymore.

My first reaction in my mind to her revelation of the cause of her chronic depression was livid anger. I was pissed off by the fact that this beautiful and absolute fun to hang-out with friend had become a shadow of herself just because some guy was using Emotional Unavailability as his excuse to remain un-committed to her.

I literally had to hold myself back from screaming at her to stop making excuses for him by labeling him Emotionally Unavailable when in truth he probably just didn’t want to give her any form of commitment as she was expecting.

Well, thank God I restrained myself; it’s not my words that should cause someone to finally jump off a bridge.

Talking angrily to myself, I said “Someone should give the same guy a suitcase full of free cash for himself, and you’ll see plenty of very available emotions!!”

Pissed off as I was, I decided to take time out to do some research into what the term ‘Emotionally Unavailable’ meant. As far as I was concerned it was just something we women, when in desperate situations with men, convince ourselves is the reason why a man is not responding to us in the way we think he should.

And the men themselves, knowing they probably don’t have a convincing reason why they are not committing themselves to women, have also adapted it as the excuse. I can only imagine how many clueless men have hidden behind the shadow of ‘Emotional Unavailability’ to maintain their freedom to have their way in relationships.

So I began the digging, and as always it is amazing how a little information can cause a complete paradigm shift, if you open your mind to it.

Even though men are most often tagged with this label, Emotional Unavailability as I now realize, is not gender specific.

Put simply, it can be defined as the inability to communicate and share personal feelings with another person.

The Emotionally Unavailable Person (E.U.P) builds emotional barriers between themselves and people or a person close to them, to deny emotional access and remain invulnerable.

The E.U.P is governed by one driving force, FEAR. Past experience or fear of rejection causes this person to guard themselves from any danger of their emotional self being exposed in any way.

The E.U.P will invest heavily in a relationship with gifts, selfless service, attentive listening and basically any other thing that doesn’t require an investment of his/her deep emotions.

It is the natural need for intimacy that drives all human beings to seek relationship. Intimacy is that state of pure and unashamed nakedness of the soul in the presence of another person.

It is being able to be with someone and be ridiculously silly, downright honest, totally unafraid and self unconscious, and yet be loved and celebrated.
It is being able to just be You with another person. Not having to lie or be ashamed of who you are.

Tragically, we are sometimes burnt badly when we open ourselves to others this deeply. However, we can’t allow these bad experiences rob us of the potential joy of finding true Intimacy.

Intimacy can only be achieved in a relationship where both parties feel a strong sense of trust and security toward each other.

When you find Intimacy, then you can dare to say you’ve found your Soulmate.

What a blessing!!

It breaks my heart to imagine that every Emotionally Unavailable Person will lose out on this great blessing, as long as they remain as they are.

Until tommorrow when I bring you the next label, Be Good!!

The Fallback Girl

Within the last two weeks, I have been let in on certain words within popular vocabulary that I didn’t quite understand before. These are words that a lot of people use in passing but may not really understand the depth of their meaning.

They are labels that we have cast on people within our environment or even ourselves because of situations or positions that they or we are in.

Within the next few days, I’m going to bring up each of these labels and talk a little about them. I would also really love to hear your ideas of what these labels represent and any experiences you might have had regarding them.

The first label is one that is quite interesting to me primarily because I have been it at certain points of my life and also because I can look around me right now and point out dozens of people I know whose present situations are what it represents:

The Fallback Girl

The Urban Dictionary defines a Fallback Girl as ‘a girl that a guy will always go back to after he is done with his current infatuation. She gets labeled the fallback chick because she will most likely take him back every time. She may or may not be aware that she is his fallback; she may even think she's his main girl while he does his dirt behind her back (or in her face). Or he keeps her around…’

I’m going to complete this dictionary’s definition by adding these words to the end ‘keeps her around as his safety net’.

She is the girl that the guy doesn’t necessarily want to commit himself entirely to, but wants to have around because he is certain that she will always be there to receive him whenever he chooses to come back.

She is the girl who wants something beyond what the guy is giving to her, but is too afraid to keep demanding for it as she doesn’t want to chase him away…so she settles for the crumbs she’s being offered.

She is the girl who is on the side while a guy is in a relationship, and makes excuses to herself because she has believed him when he says that she’s the one he really wants to be with.

She is the girl who is deceived into believing a guy is truly in love with her because he begs and begs her when she tries to leave. She is unaware that he’s just trying to protect his ego as he is afraid of losing control over this person whose emotions he’s been able to manipulate over time.

She is the girl who has stuck with a guy while he was in a relationship, and is unashamedly happy when that relationship is over. She patiently waits for him when he says he needs some time to heal, believing that now she can be with him for real. However, while she’s waiting, she discovers that he is now dating someone else. Yet she stays with him, still on the side and back to her original situation.

She is the girl who has defined herself so much by a relationship which she secretly knows is unhealthy, yet can’t bring herself to leave because of the fear of where to start from again.

She is the girl who has threatened to leave the relationship so many times but has still remained in it enduring the heartache and discomfort being there brings her.

She is the girl who has become like ‘the Boy who cried Wolf’ because she isn’t taken seriously by the guy when she threatens to leave, so he does whatever he pleases confident that she wont be going anywhere.

She is the girl who has lost all confidence in herself because of this relationship that makes her doubt her worth as a woman and as an individual.

I realize that there can also be conversely the Fallback Guy who is in the same situation the Fallback Girl is in and carries the same emotions.

It’s so easy to believe you are what a situation, a person or a relationship makes you out to be.

True liberty is in taking ownership and defining who and what you want to be. Today’s Fallback Girl or Guy is tomorrow’s whole, complete and total (I know they all mean the same thing jo) woman who is confident about who she is, wouldn’t settle for anything less than God’s best, and believes that what the future holds for her is far greater than anything she chooses to walk away from today.

For more resource on the Fallback Girl, check this out

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-fallback-girl-the-girl-who-cried-wolf/

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Label…