Humilating Uniforms Anonymous

I sat one afternoon sometime ago with a group of Security Guards at the gate of an estate in Ikoyi. They spoke; I listened (at first trying to pretend that I wasn’t..not to seem rude)

They spoke of Politics, profiled the different Ethnic groups in Nigeria, and of course, the forthcoming Elections!!

By the way, they will be voting for whatever Candidate whose posters, or other Campaign material is thrust in their faces more. Politicians, Election Strategists, Campaign Managers, and everyone else with a stake, please take note; the race is to the one with the highest Media expenditure!!

But is this really so?!

It’s possible to spend chunks of cash on Advertising and Publicity, but at the end of the day, rake in shreds of dismal failure as your returns. A few Events come to mind as case study, but I shall sharrap!!

It’s the ‘shooting blanks’ principle that plays itself out in those circumstances. Like trying to pitch a new line of Superhero costumes to the Pope!!

Right Product; Wrong Audience

Alright, I don’t really know where I’m going with this, as I am just ranting right now!!

Okay, the Guards!!

They had really nice uniforms, which I couldn’t help complimenting them on. After the ‘thanks’ and squaring of their shoulders to stand taller, I probed further:

"Does it make you work better when you like your uniform?"

“Yes”, Okechukwu replied, “It makes you feel confident and proud of what you do”

I can totally identify.

I immediately felt immense compassion for all the millions of people around the world who have to right now wear Winnie the Pooh, Mighty Mouse..and all those other highly embarrassing uniforms to earn a living!!

My heart goes out to you..remember, the Uniform doesn’t make you, you make it!!

My heart especially, goes out to our resident Men in Black..the underpaid members of the Nigeria Police Force, who have to prowl under the harsh Naija sun to do their job, in a coarse BLACK uniform, and are still expected to perform without collecting bribes (not even for for ice-water)!!

Do you wear (or have you ever had to) wear a uniform you hate? Share with us...

The 'American' Concept

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a little dinner party with a few African-Americans and Nigerian-Americans here in Lagos.

The introductions were made, food and drink choices were given to the Waiters, and then we got into the tedious part of socializing: making conversation.

Fortunately, I was the newcomer on the table, so I became the silent (and amused) observer. This group of people was remarkable in the sense that they are doing really great work with a group of young boys in Lagos.

They train these boys in the game of Basketball and provide a standard facility for them to develop the acquired sport. They have really good plans for the kids and were very excited as they traded stories about their escapades in ‘giving back’.

One of them spoke about how excited and in awe the boys are of the fact that an American or group of Americans actually take out the time and come all the way into their part of town to mentor them. Others spoke about how the program allows the boys dream that they too can go and play for the major leagues in America.


Photo-Credit: Lukesegars.com

Commendable as the efforts being made by this group is, I couldn’t help but wonder about a certain aspect of it. It was clear to me that like many Nigerians, these young boys hold the idea of ‘America’ (which to most represent the possibility of attaining the dream being communicated to them on TV) and the West in the highest esteem.

The fact that they are so in awe of their ‘American’ trainer even though for the most part, they don’t understand what he says, reminds me of the way a lot of Nigerians I have come across also view the ‘American concept’.

To a lot of Nigerians, anything foreign (not Nigerian) is synonymous with quality. Western fashion, Western music; Western accents, products, names and even cultures, are exalted above and beyond the indigenous Nigerian ones.

It’s actually only recently that a youth sub-culture spurn out of Entertainment has begun to birth a collective sense of identity in young Nigerians.

‘America’ and the West in a lot of Nigerian minds, holds the key to a better existence; the hordes of people you find laboring under the torturous sun (and rain) daily in search of visas, by any means possible, is a testament to the perception most Nigerians have of the West.

Who can blame these young, aspiring pro-Basketball players, for feeling ‘lucky’ that unlike their brothers, relatives and friends who daily go in search of their big Western break, most times to no avail, the West instead came in search of them.

I’m always the first to celebrate good deeds when I see them; I’m excited about the fact that these kids have found an opportunity to express their dreams and skills. However, I wonder; I wonder about the long-tem effect on the psyche of these boys.

I wonder about the possible outcome of their lives in the event that they have come to associate ‘America’ alone with the terms ‘progress’ and ‘opportunity’. What about the sense of racial inferiority they could possibly develop (if not already)?

‘The road to hell is paved with good intentions’

How do you prevent a noble gesture such as this from further depleting the eroded sense of national identity and pride that is like a cancer in many young Nigerians?

Where is the balance?

When Love is Functionally Selfish

How do you define when an action is pure or impure?

When it is done out of Love?

By Love I mean when there is no expectation or selfish intention attached to it.

I support someone's cause continuously and they may even feel good within themselves that "this person is there for me".

Sooner or later, I begin to feel slightly disgruntled because of something I should be getting in return for my support. Whether its appreciation, acknowledgement or something bigger, I just want something.

Now, if the motive for my support was purely for the other person's benefit, would it matter so much (or at all) if I get nothing in return for my 'love'?!

Does this mean that even when we would like to believe we are doing something out of love, it may really be more out of the expectation of gain?

I guess the only way in which we can test the purity if our 'love actions' is when they bear no fruit for us and yet we persist in loving.

Hmnnn...when love is functionally selfish!!

Isn't it funny how people know just exactly how to love another when there is something to be gained?!

The guy who wants a girl and knows just the right sort of flowers to buy or will drive her home to Egbeda when he lives in Ikoyi, until he has 'conquered' then the journey becomes all of a sudden, too far.

Or the girl who is docile and submissive to her man up until the magical moment when he says the long-awaited "I do".

If what we practise to be 'Love' is simply a means to a selfish end for us, then let me be the first to inform us all say WAHALA DEY!!!!!

The Oppression of Want

Everybody wants something.

In the environment in which I live, if you in no way serve even the possibility of bringing to most people what they want, you are cast aside as irrelevant in their minds.

Whether their 'want' is, of material value or in serving the illusion of what they want themselves to be seen or known as, if you can't add to that, then they want nothing to do with you.

One of the greatest liberties I've been given, is the freedom to break free of the prison of 'Want'.

Don't get it twisted, I also have wants. But the way I see it, when your 'Wants' form the basis for all your Interaction and Perceptions, then it becomes Incarceration.

I want to live in a world where who I'm seen to be and what I have doesn't alone determine how I'd be treated.

The gift of finding people with whom you can create a 'Want-free existence' is one I dare to tag INVALUABLE.

Deliver us from the oppression of Want.

Blond Nigerian Answer To The Race Question?!

Of course my first reaction to the story about the Ihegboro’s, a Nigerian couple in London, England who gave birth to a Blond baby girl was “The woman’s Underground train has finally come out of the tunnel!!”

As in seriously now, how, when and where has it EVER been heard that a Black couple have a White child?!

But after reading the story, it’s actually looking more and more like we have just all witnessed a MIRACLE!!

The baby is not Albino, and the woman claims she hasn’t been creeping around. Her husband seems to believe her, so who am I to suggest otherwise.

Even if she’s been ‘getting it’ from some Caucasian guy, he has to be another level of Superman to completely dominate the child’s DNA and leave absolutely no trace of the mother’s race.

It’s interesting to me because just about 2 days ago, I was wondering within myself how all the different races of Humankind emerged. I was imagining a situation where ancient people like Noah in the Bible had different children who were Caucasian, Asian-looking, Black and even Middle-Eastern, in one family.

If all humanity began from one man, then it means that situations like this Nigerian couple’s were a normal thing in the B.C. days. Where a brown-skinned, sunburned Arabian couple would have produced a slanty-eyed, martial-art playing little boy!!

If not, then what other explanation is there as to how so many different kinds of people could have originated from one person. Or can we argue that everyone initially looked the same but as they migrated to different parts of the earth, transformed into whatever physical dispositions their environments demanded of them?!

What if people back then just accepted whatever came out after labor, no matter how it looked, as a child nonetheless, and then these children when they grew, migrated to different parts of the earth better suited for their Inhabitation, and then formed what we now know as Races?

Whatever it is, the Ihegboro’s ‘Miracle Child’, if all things being equal and the mother wasn’t getting busy on the side, has just shown the world that indeed, all these differences we hold on to so dearly are simply elements of our one Humanness.

Maybe blond haired baby, Nmachi Ihegboro, is God’s answer to the Race question, just like Caster Semanya, the hermaphrodite Athlete, may be His answer to the Gender question.

Hmmnnn..so I wonder what His answer to the Gay question would be??!

Again I say, if all things being equal, and there was no mago-mago involved in these extraordinary events!!

I wonder what Question I’m His answer to though?! Hmmnnnnn...

Values Worth Living & Dying For

I stumbled across these words while doing some Research this morning. They are indeed some of the most beautiful words I've EVER read!! I want to share them with you...

Civil Rights Movement Leader, Martin Luther King Jr., speaking about what people should remember him for if they are present at his funeral:

“ I'd like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King Jr. tried to give his life serving others. I'd like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King Jr. tried to love somebody.

I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question. I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry.

I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked.

I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison. And I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity.

Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major. Say that I was a drum major for justice. Say that I was a drum major for peace. I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter."



Martin Luther King Jr.

Great words from an astoundingly GREAT Leader..No matter what Guys, let's NEVER lose sight of what's truly Important.

The Darker Side Of Ageing

I was on an aircraft a while ago, and a female Politician came on board wearing this flowing spaghetti strapped dress.

Her shoulders were bare and her cleavage was kinda in everyone’s face. I remember thinking then “OMG!! How can she wear this…she’s almost naked!!”

Interestingly enough, she didn’t look awful or even over-the-top Indecent in the dress, but my reaction was borne more out of the fact that being an ‘Older Woman’, she shouldn’t dress like that.

She looked the same way someone younger than her would look in the dress, and I wouldn’t make such a big fuss about, so I wonder, why is it that I had such a problem with a woman in her late 50’s expressing herself through her choice of clothes?!

I’ve always believed that the older you get, the more liberties you have to do whatever it is you want to do, without necessarily needing the approval of anyone else. However, more and more, I’m beginning to believe that getting older, especially in Nigeria, takes you further and further into a Cell of Conformity, in which the idea of Bail is thought about only by the Bravehearts.

I was in the Club last night, and there was this ‘Older Lady’ yet again, who was on her feet the entire time dancing with a younger man. The way she carried on having a great time, not really caring about the fact that people all around her might have been thinking “Mama sit down and respect yourself”, was quite admirable.

‘Respect Yourself'; that’s one phrase you hear quite a bit in this country, right up there with ‘Act Your Age’.

What if a 57year old feels within himself like he is 26, and goes about expressing himself like your regular 25year old, does that make him irresponsible?

What if he fulfills ALL the obligations he has toward his family, Work and whatever else, and he wants only the Freedom to act out the HIM he sees in his heart, does that make him an ‘AGBAYA’?!

In Nigeria, does society get more and more Judgmental of you with each year you add to the number of years since you first showed up on earth?!

My 31year old friend was telling about how she introduced her new boyfriend to her Mum as ‘My Boyfriend’, and her Mum called her aside and scolded her saying she should be ashamed of herself, for saying ‘My Boyfriend’ at this age.

According to her Mum, she should introduce the guy to everyone as ‘Her Fiance’, in spite of the fact that they’ve not even started talking of anything even remotely near Marriage.

I also heard of a 75year old woman who lost her husband a couple of years ago, and decided to enjoy herself instead of spending the rest of her life in mourning. She got herself a much younger man who dotes on her, started exercising and travelling the world with her lover, and is celebrating her newfound youth at 75!!

In this country, a story like that would immediately convince the majority that she killed her husband!!

I mean as much as I love my Prof Mummy, its sooo difficult for me to even imagine her with another Man other than my Dad!!

If Age is indeed nothing but a Number, then why has one’s Age become the determining factor of what is okay and what is absurd for one to do?!

Why shouldn’t I be the judge of what’s right or wrong in my life, after all, am I not ‘Old’ enough?!

Simplicity - The New Sexy

I met a very simple, beautiful girl this morning.

It was actually by chance we met; I was driving out of my Estate and she was standing at the gate waiting for a cab. I saw her, had already gone way past and then just impulsively reversed and asked where she was going.

She was going to the High Court and was already quite late, so I offered to go drop her there.

In the less than 20minutes it took to get from the Estate to the Court, we chatted all through, and I practically already know her entire life.

She is such a simple person. I know I’ve said this over and over again, but that is something that I’m very attracted to – Simplicity.

Coming from the world I am used to in this mad Lagos, the once in a while that I encounter very normal, ordinary people, it’s almost for me as if they’ve come from another planet.

Noticing her huge diamond engagement ring, I asked about that and she gave me the lowdown on her upcoming Marriage. As in this babe and her fiancé actually met on the Internet!! Hi-5 to be precise. They began dating and for 7 months, didn’t see each other at all!!

They’ve never lived together; and I suspect probably never even shagged! I was gonna ask her about that but I just thought to leave it for now.

People like her inspire me abeg!! There is just a certain purity about her, her relationship and the simplicity she exudes.

The babe has lived in Lagos for less than a year and she was still asking me about the Nightlife in Lagos, that she hears it’s very vibrant! As in I’ve never heard that kind of statement in my life before!! A young, good-looking girl about my age and she’s so unaware about the craziness that surrounds her?!

I think I need a Life Change. So all my crazy, mental friends please you guys should leave me alone!! Kem-kem, Yvonne, Juwon (Okpokiroro) and all you people that won’t let me be NORMAL!!


Juwon Ogundipe

From now I want to be Simple and asking questions like “You actually go out late at night? And drink??!”

But where would I wear all my fabulous clothes to?! Ok I think I might have to postpone Simplicity just a little bit longer...

Am I Being Scammed??!

This morning, I received an alarming mail from a Director friend I did some work for last year. The subject read ‘SAD NEWS…’ and here is the body:

Time: 00:44 am

Hey……(not addressed to anyone)

I am caught up in a real mess and i need your help. I'm sorry I didn't inform you about my trip ,I had a trip to the London,United Kingdom and a bizarre thing happened to me.I was mugged at gun point last night, the muggers carted away with all my belongings excluded my passport.Cell,c-card,cash and some important documents are all gone. I was able to make contact with the Uk Police and i was directed to the Embassy, but they seems to be taking things too slow.
I need your help so urgently.. My flight leaves pretty soon but i am having problems sorting out the hotel bills and also need getting my ticket straightened out. I need your help. I need a quick loan to get things fixed out here, I promise to refund as soon as i get back home.. please reply asap. so i can tell what to do and how to get the money to me..
Hope to read from you soon..

So I immediately responded saying:

Time: 10:42 am

Hi ……,

I'm soooo sorry about what happened!! Hope you're fine....I just saw ur mail right now.

Pls lemme know how I can help!!

Tari

Shortly after, I receive a response:

Time: 11:19am

Thanks for the mail.. i feel so glad to hear from you, you given me a lot of hope..the muggers stole eerything from
me and i dont have any access to a phone so amin a local library where i have acess to a computer, i need a quick
loan to get
things fixed out here.. i need $1500 to get things fixed out here promise to refund when i am back home... do you
know how to get the money to me? you can have the Money wired to me via Western Union is safe and convenient.. here is the details you need to get the money wired to me.. you should have the money wired on my name and present
location..
here is the details...
Name : …….
Address.:……………………..
City: Buckinghamshire.
Postal Code: HP11 2JZ
Country: United Kingdom
once you are done mail me with the westernunion details and the confirmation numbers.

At this point, I got quite suspicious. The mail was a little too impersonal. This guy and I, even though ours is a working relationship, play and joke a lot. He’s a very playful and funny person. He also calls me ‘Madam’.

So then I try calling his phone here in Lagos, and it’s turned off. I’m thinking of going to his house to check also.

But I want to get your opinion….AM I BEING SCAMMED??!!

Da Grin...still talking to me!!

There’s been heaviness in my heart from the moment I heard about Da Grin’s death; it’s still there even as I write this.

I didn’t know him personally; I’m just another random lover of his music. I prayed for him when I heard about the accident and even watched a TV recording of him performing at the recent Kennis Music Easter thing, earlier this week. I remember laughing hysterically at his screaming/laughter(not sure which it is) during his performance.

I guess the major reason I feel so sad is because I feel as though it could’ve been anyone in the accident that led to his death. I have been in car crashes before, nothing fatal, but life threatening all the same.

It is unfortunate that in this country of ours, it is a nightmare to be left in the hands of our Emergency Services, as they might as well just be called waiting hearses. I don’t even want to depress myself more by thinking that it’s very possible his life could’ve easily been saved.


Da Grin

I know in our collective loss, we all want to hold someone..anyone responsible for his untimely death; our security operatives, Road Safety, LUTH, or even Da Grin himself for not being more responsible.

But at the end of the day, none of that is going to bring him back. None of that is going to change the fact that the extremely talented rapper who was undoubtedly set to be Nigeria’s next greatest export, has been cut off right at the onset to his prime.

Finally I can’t help but be grateful to God for my life. I don’t know for a fact if Da Grin was intoxicated in any way, but I do know how many times I and people close to me have been in the same situation that led to his accident and eventual death, and by nothing else but God’s grace, we are still here.

His death has also opened my eyes to appreciate the things that are truly important in life here on earth. I know for a fact that those things that take priority in my life that give no benefit to any other thing but my own ego and sense of accomplishment are nothing but a waste of time.

Da Grin’s voice has not left my head since last night. I don’t understand Yoruba, yet I connect with him. I’m bonded with him forever. His story is carved in my heart and has a place in my consciousness whether I like it or not.

When a life is lived beyond oneself, Death has lost its sting. Oladapo Olaitan Olanipekun aka Da Grin, keep talking...I hear you.

“So What do You do Now??"

That has to be the most annoying question ever to proceed out of the mouth of a beast!!

Right up there with “So who’s the new guy?” THERE IS NO NEW GUY DAMMITT!! Can’t a girl just enjoy some much needed solitude and enjoy the attention that comes when guys can see you are not interested in anything they have to offer?!

I remembered this annoying question while reading my friend Wana’s new blog post, titled ‘Welcome to Mediocre City’.

That’s actually one of the reasons why I cringe when I have to see someone I haven’t seen in a long time. You know that the question has got to surface like a relentless ugly pimple. You haven’t even gotten over the excitement of seeing the person when the question rises.

One crazy friend, so pissed off at being constantly asked the question, decided to start telling people “I carry s#*t!!”

Can’t blame him, because here in Lagos, it’s what I call a Placement question. People automatically want to know how they should relate with you, treat you or how you can benefit them. So they throw the question. It’s the new Self Seller.

So trust my Lagos people (I de hail oooooo!!) everyone fine tunes their audio CV so well in order to shoot up the Placement Chart when asked the inevitable question.

For example, you ask a girl the question; she gives you an impeccable response about the Venture Capitalist firm she works in, conveniently forgetting to add that she’s doing her NYSC there. Placement!!!!

For me it’s particularly annoying because no-one ever understands what I do, so I have to explain for the next 15-20mins. Whatever happened to plain old meeting someone, liking their personality and taking it from there?!

My best business relationships have actually come out of just accepting one another as we are, noting each other’s strengths and then calling on each other when we see an opportunity for the other’s strengths to be expressed.

Oh well...I’m just the girl with the difficult-to-understand job title..what do I know?!

The Born-again Jihadist

As someone who has lived in Nigeria all my life, I thought I had reached a point where almost nothing could shock me.

I was proven wrong this morning when I opened the newspapers and read the report of the man who tried to blow up a passenger-filled airplane with his taxi. (click on title link for full story)




That is something you honestly don’t see anywhere but in the movies. The last time anything like that happened was in the movie ‘Live Free or Die Hard’ of the Die Hard series, when Bruce Willis’ character "killed an airplane with a car"!!


Bruce Willis

But everyone knows that life in Nigeria is one incredible Nollywood story so why am I surprised?

Different news media have given different accounts of the unknown man’s intentions. 234 Next says he claimed he was Jesus Christ and was trying to save the aircraft from an impending crash.

This Day on the other hand says that he screamed “REPENT!!” and then crashed his taxi under the plane. The paper reports that his message for the 200 people he could have killed was “Jesus is the Redeemer. Everyone should repent and follow him because I will come back and complete the attack”. According to him, Nigerians are unrepentant sinners.




This is some freaky, freaky happening!! So does that mean every bad thing I do from now makes me a potential target for terrorist attack?!

The idea of Jihad has now gone beyond religious boundaries and so anyone who feels that a person or group of people who are not living in conformity to their own idea of what is right, can now take up their own weapon of Mass Destruction to rid the earth of all perceived evil?!!

But wait o….what if according to the Next report he was telling the truth and was indeed trying to save the plane from a crash?! I’m just not convinced about the him being Jesus part though. It’s quite hard for me to reconcile Jesus being a fanatical taxi-driver by day and airplane destroying terrorist by night Efik man.

Then again, is it possible that we all engage in this form of Terrorism every time we judge people for their weaknesses and failures as human beings?? Every time we look down on other people’s beliefs just because they are even slightly different from ours?!




Am I not operating by the same principle of the Jihad when I alienate someone or condemn them in my heart just because their lifestyle is not in conformity to my personal standard of morality?

“Nigerians are unrepentant sinners”....can someone please remind Mr Unknown Assailant of where he’s from.

The Fortunate Homosexual Man Finally 'Comes Out'

Latin Pop Star, Ricky Martin, has finally revealed after years of keeping silent, that he is gay.

In a message posted on his official website, he stated: “I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man and I am very blessed to be who I am”. (click on title link for full story)


Ricky Martin

For some weird reason, what stuck out to me in his announcement was the term ‘fortunate homosexual man’.

I Googled the word ‘fortunate’ and found that it means ‘Receiving some unforeseen or unexpected good, or some good which was not dependent on one's own skill or efforts; favored with good fortune; lucky’

The definition got me even more confused. So who is an ‘Unfortunate homosexual man’?

Questions, questions, who will answer my questions??!!

Fortunate or Unfortunate, I actually think it takes huge guts to ‘come out’ as a gay person. It is certain that people’s attitudes toward you are going to change, and as a star/sex symbol, there is always the risk of losing an entire fanbase.

It must take a strong inner acceptance of oneself to be able to throw yourself out to the sharks, saying “This is who I’ve accepted that I am...deal with it!!”

I guess that is the internal struggle that every gay person, or rather, every human being that struggles with self-acceptance, insecurities or weaknesses in one form or the other faces.

Perhaps the entire world needs to take a cue from Ricky Martin and ‘Come Out’.

The Right to React

On Thursday last week, I attended a Book reading session by Father Uwem Akpan of his multiple award winning collection of short stories, ‘Say You’re One of Them’, which held at one of my most favorite places in Lagos, Jazzhole, in Ikoyi.




During the interactive session, after a particularly interesting contribution by Funmi Iyanda, host of talk show, ‘Talk with Funmi’, one particular guest laughed so hard and loud at the comments made.

No big deal, except that I was slightly irritated because I thought what was said was funny, but not thaaatttttt funny!!


Funmi Iyanda

Then I started to laugh as I realized I was just being a grouch and besides the lady, as with everyone else, has a right to her own reaction!!

You see, you might have already known that, but this was such a profound realization for me. Do you know how much easier my life would be if I always had it at the forefront of my mind that every single person has a natural right to react to events, statements or anything else in whatsoever way they choose ?!

Do you realize how much peace I will have if I didn’t allow myself to be upset any longer by the way people reacted to life?

For one I wouldn’t be upset any more when faced with the news that the Governor of Bayelsa State is being investigated by the EFCC over fraudulent practices to the tune of N100billion when there are kids living in those creeks who will never in their lives have the benefit of a semi-decent education.


A family in the Niger Delta area of Nigeria

I wouldn’t get upset when those huge Corporate buses cut me off in traffic and drive so irresponsibly as they know I’ll probably never get through to those numbers that are placed under the ‘How’s my driving?’ at the back.

I will have my sanity intact as I now know that just because I’ve complained about the same issue for years on years, that person is not going to change the behavior pattern that has been driving me CRAZY all this while!!

Maybe I also would lighten up on being such a Perfectionist as the Right to Reaction makes it certain that no matter how hard I try, some people just won’t appreciate what I deliver (ok..this one I don’t know sha)

I guess the foundation of the Right to Reaction lies in the fact that everyone is ultimately personally responsible for their action, inaction or (I’m loving this) Reaction!!

Ahhhhhh...finally I can Rest In Peace.

One hell of a Headmistress!!

“MRS D IS SO ANNOOOYYYIINNNNGGGGG!!!”

Yeah I’m actually screaming that right now as I sit all alone in my office!! Mrs D is the Headmistress of the Primary School next door who sets me on edge and torments me even though I’m not one of her kids.

I love the fact that the view from my office is of a school and some of my happiest moments are spent watching the kids play...until Mrs D shows up that is.

She is sooooo Authoritarian and stresses those poor kids everyday!! She talks down on the Teachers in front of the parents and bullies them into doing whatever she wants. I’ve never met Mrs D or been to the school before, everything I know about her I hear from my office though her LOUDspeaker!!

One assembly, she actually made those kids say the Lord’s Prayer about 10times because she claimed they weren’t saying the ‘Heaven’ in ‘Our Father who art in heaven’ from their stomachs!! The poor and tired kids ended up screaming “HEAVEN” so many times, that the angels probably had to shut their ears!!




Another time, she asked them to say a prayer for themselves using her name as an example of how they should pray; they did. After the prayer, she asked those who mentioned her name in place of theirs to own up. Some of them confessed; she went on and on about it.

The funny thing is that deep down, I know Mrs D actually cares about those kids, but her methods are just so Authoritarian and Stressful. Even I in my office feels stressed to the point that I unconsciously sit upright once I hear her voice.

Who will rescue me (or more importantly the kids) from Mrs D? Gosh I hated school...

And they say True Love doesn't exist...

I listened to a young woman tell her story recently:

Her husband’s kidney’s failed and he needed a transplant. All his siblings and his Mum who were a match could not give him one of theirs. His sisters couldn’t give him because their husbands wouldn’t allow them, and his Mum couldn’t because a history of heart problems or hypertension made her ineligible.

So his wife, who was telling the story, promptly asked if she was a match, got tested and immediately offered to donate one of her kidneys to her husband as soon as she discovered she was.

The procedure for kidney transplants is a very delicate one and both donor and donoree can lose their lives in the process. In fact she had to sign multiple forms that confirmed that she was doing this of her own free will should she lose her life. Even her parents had to sign consent forms.

When asked the big question ‘WHY’ she did it, the lady gave a very simple answer: “My husband needed a kidney or he would die; I was a match; I didn’t even think about it beyond that.”



This woman was ready to give her life….sorry…..has given her life for her husband, because there is still major risk in living with only one kidney!!

The question I kept asking myself, apart from if I’d do it if I were in her shoes, was this: What if this man starts treating her bad or wants to divorce her in the future, would she regret her decision then?

There was the story last year about a New York doctor who sued his estranged wife, asking her to return the kidney he donated to her while they were married, until she allegedly had an affair.


Dr Richard Batista and Wife


I mean it’s a heroic gesture to give your kidney or any other vital part of yourself to someone you love, but I guess the test of the unconditional nature of the ‘love’ that prompts one to give so much, comes when there is a failure of the other party to meet one or all of your expectations of the giver.

All I could do after I listened to that woman tell her story was pray that God will give her the grace, so that regardless of whatever her husband does or does not do for her in future, she will not regret her decision.

We all have said or been told “I love you” at one time or the other, but the mark of true love is to give of oneself generously and expect NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING in return.

God help us.

Say My Name

I still can’t get over the fact that the name of my sister’s new driver is ‘ThankGod’!!

I almost fell on the floor in laughter hearing her scream his name yesterday. As in seriously, imagine having a really, really bad day, one of those ones in which you feel like heaven is carrying out a personal vendetta against you and you don’t even want to hear about God much less talk to Him. Then your driver puts the icing on the cake by almost running a pedestrian over; almost involuntarily, you’d scream, ‘THANK GOD!!!’

Every name represents something, probably even those seemingly meaningless American ones like ‘Dick’, ‘Bo’ or ‘Bubba’.




My name for example, ‘Tariere’, means ‘Beloved One’. So for every time someone mentions my name, they are affirming me as beloved whether they like me or can’t stand my guts. Even the short version ‘Tari’ means ‘Love’.

No-one can really be separated from his/her name, as the name carries with it certain attributes that one way or the other, defines the owner.

So this week, I have no doubts as to whose name I’m going to be calling whether I have anything to say to him or not. Yeah you guessed right……’THANK GOD!!!!’

Tell me……What is your name?

How do you measure the quality of a life lived?

I heard someone talk yesterday about a lady she had been acquainted with only briefly before the lady passed away.

She talked about how much of a delight the lady was to be around and how she lit up everywhere she happened to be. She spoke with such enthusiasm about the pleasure it was to have known this lady even though only briefly before her death at the tender age of 43.

For some strange reason, hearing this left me with one resounding question in my head: HOW DO YOU MEASURE THE QUALITY OF A LIFE LIVED?

Your thoughts?


Alexander McQueen - March 1969 - Feb 2010

It's Your Turn To Smile!!

Helloooooo,

I hope you are having a great week!! I'm having one of those days in which nothing just seems to be working out!!

However, I have learned something that has worked for me today, and I want to share it with you.

Find something to be thankful for. I can assure you that once you give thanks for one thing, many more reasons to be thankful will come flowing into your mind.

That's how I can still smile in spite of the setbacks and disappointments I've experienced today.



It's your turn to smile.

Job Vacancy!! Qualification: Must be able to deliver Luxury Screw!!

Hello, hello, helloooooo!!

Yet another week and the hustle is on again. Everyone is on the grind these days; young, old, rich, just getting by, the Rat race is on and there is no mercy for casual bystanders!!

Speaking of the Hustle, I want to share the challenge of a young girl that came to my attention.

An acquaintance of mine who has been unemployed for a while finally gets a job offer. Great pay in an area she is skilled in; Sales to be precise. However, the fancy package came with a price tag.

The commodity she will be selling is a luxury item. The cost of each ranges from N5m ($30, 000) and above. There is an exclusive market here in Nigeria for the commodity. The problem is that the market consists mostly of randy men who believe that in purchasing the commodity, the package also includes sampling the Sales Rep.

She knows within her that if she goes to make a sale and refuses a sexual proposition by a prospective buyer, and then goes back to the office saying she just lost them N10m because she wouldn’t play ball, it wouldn’t be a congratulatory welcome she will be receiving.

It is kind of an Unwritten Rule within the organization that the possibility of a Luxury Screw for the Client may arise in the process of selling the goods, and employees are expected to know the score.

Even though it is all clear before her eyes what prospects this job may hold for her, my Acquaintance needs the job very badly. She is aware of the fact that right now, employment opportunities are very few and far between even for the highly qualified; companies are either downsizing or giving brutal pay-cuts.

My acquaintance has a real dilemma in her hands; what would you do if you were in her shoes?

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