D-I-Y Orgasms

The Do-It-Yourself phenomenon is truly a revolutionary trend in our Modern World.

Being able to do a lot of tasks yourself saves one not only costs, but also the sometimes agony of having to be dependent on another. Hence, the popularity of D-I-Y Car Servicing, D-I-Y Home Renovation and even D-I-Y Bikini Waxing!!

The Homo-sapiens specie, innovative and evolutionary beings that we are, caught on to this phenomenon long before the Advertising cabals of this world, with the timeless wonder of self-administered sexual pleasures.

I can only imagine the triumphant bliss of the first Man or Woman, probably after countless nights of having to endure his/her spouses back turned on him/her as a result of day-time quarrels, discovering that he/she could satisfy themselves just as it pleased them and for as long (however long) it takes!!

Or the primitive teenager thinking he is being accosted by the gods as he/she for the first time discovers bodily sensations with his/her own hand, as he tries not to alert his parents on the mat next to him.

Regardless of when or how it began, D-I-Y orgasms is a trend that has survived even major world wars, genocides and the most disastrous natural disasters.

A short while ago, I watched an episode of Oprah in which a Sex Educator, was advocating that parents should begin teaching their adolescent kids how to please themselves sexually. Her argument was that teaching a young child to find the pleasures of his/her own body will automatically eradicate the novelty of Sex and will allow the child make better sexual decisions when he/she is older.

Bizarre as her school of thought sounded to me at first, I realized that it did make some sense. The core of her argument is that taking ownership of one’s sexuality enables a person to be a more stable and circumspect sexual being.

But trust my Naija sense; it still just couldn’t accept the idea of me teaching my nephew and/or niece how to masturbate!!

Even though this idea may sound crazy when advocated for kids, the reality is that many people actually first discovered themselves sexually, by their own hand! A lot more young women, even in Nigeria, have taken ownership of their sexual pleasure, and unashamedly go about pleasing themselves just as they dim fit.

A friend recently showed me her Dildo and left me traumatized for the rest of the day. That thing was gynormous!! It looked like a genetically altered tree trunk!! I couldn’t control my reaction as I screamed “You put that s#%t inside …..!!!”

Not all small objects in a lady’s purse that looks like a lipstick is actually a lipstick. As the lipgloss, compact powder and Debit cards are must-go-with-you-everywhere items, the little vibrating ‘lipstick’ has also become a must carry for a lot of females who want to give themselves ‘on the go’ pleasures.

Guys are not left out of the D-I-Y Club as for most guys it came as naturally to them as Underarm hair or something like that!!

So why is it that D-I-Y orgasms have become a vital part of the Sexual Identity of today’s young Woman or Man?

Has the opposite sex become obsolete in our 21st Century Sexual Journey?

Does it have anything to do with the saying that goes “If you want anything done properly, DO-IT-YOUSELF”?!

Job Vacancy!! Qualification: Must be able to deliver Luxury Screw!!

Hello, hello, helloooooo!!

Yet another week and the hustle is on again. Everyone is on the grind these days; young, old, rich, just getting by, the Rat race is on and there is no mercy for casual bystanders!!

Speaking of the Hustle, I want to share the challenge of a young girl that came to my attention.

An acquaintance of mine who has been unemployed for a while finally gets a job offer. Great pay in an area she is skilled in; Sales to be precise. However, the fancy package came with a price tag.

The commodity she will be selling is a luxury item. The cost of each ranges from N5m ($30, 000) and above. There is an exclusive market here in Nigeria for the commodity. The problem is that the market consists mostly of randy men who believe that in purchasing the commodity, the package also includes sampling the Sales Rep.

She knows within her that if she goes to make a sale and refuses a sexual proposition by a prospective buyer, and then goes back to the office saying she just lost them N10m because she wouldn’t play ball, it wouldn’t be a congratulatory welcome she will be receiving.

It is kind of an Unwritten Rule within the organization that the possibility of a Luxury Screw for the Client may arise in the process of selling the goods, and employees are expected to know the score.

Even though it is all clear before her eyes what prospects this job may hold for her, my Acquaintance needs the job very badly. She is aware of the fact that right now, employment opportunities are very few and far between even for the highly qualified; companies are either downsizing or giving brutal pay-cuts.

My acquaintance has a real dilemma in her hands; what would you do if you were in her shoes?

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