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Thursday, February 18, 2010

Face 2 Face with My Worst Nightmare - The Dentist!!

I went for my final Dental appointment today!! For the past 2-3 weeks, the Dentist’s has been my second home….I was actually kind of sad when I was leaving today!!

I won’t be seeing the always perfectly made-up Receptionist, nor the Nurse with the horribly drawn lip-liner anymore!! OR the magazine that has former Cross River State Governor, Donald Duke talking about his teeth!!(I’m serious…like anyone gives a s**t!!)

You’ll be surprised at the amount of things you’d notice when sitting in that dreaded place called the Dentist’s Waiting Room!! I saw grown, strong men reduced to scared little boys in that Waiting Room. On my first appointment, a man who was sitting next to me was called by the Nurse, “Sir, the Doctor is ready for you”, Man replies, looking everywhere around him, “Who me?”

Of course it’s you…seeing that the Nurse is standing right in front of you!! Poor guy went into that room looking like he was walking the Death Row.

There’s just something incredibly intimidating about all those stainless steel equipment lined up neatly on the Dentist’s table, especially when you know you’re not going to escape any of them going into you!!

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I have horrible childhood memories of the Dentist, so you can imagine my terror while there. As I lay on that scary reclining chair that makes a humming sound as it moves, I silently tried to calm myself down. “If I could go through this at 7years old, I’m sure I can take it now”, I whispered assuringly to myself. Bad idea, as the memories came pouring in!!

The Doctor noticed my sudden stiffness and asked how I was doing. “Scared!” I replied, giving him my most hopeful puppy dog look hoping he’d just say we should forget the entire thing and give me something that’ll miraculously close all my cavities and then hand me a huge bag of chocolates and tell me I’m the best patient he’d ever had!!

And that’s exactly what happened!!......I wish!!

A real Grand-fatherly type gentleman, he kindly assured me that it was going to be alright and then put on some nice Elton John to help me relax. It helped, a bit….until I saw the injection. It is the scariest looking piece of equipment that’s ever been made!! It looks like it contains Truth Serum or some other kind of lethal poison that’ll have you confessing to things you haven’t even heard of!!

I started shrinking in the chair, and would have probably succeeded in disappearing completely into thin air if the Dentist didn’t intervene. Noticing how scared I was of the injection, he proceeded to tell me a story about how Dental surgeries were carried out in the Pre-Anesthesia era.

Six men, all about the size of Mike Tyson would have been called in to hold me firmly down while the Dentist went about his work…..”That’s okay Doctor, where do you want that injection again? Aaahhhh” I didn’t need much more convincing.

I want to proudly state here that I took every other injection from then on, like a Man!!

Anyway, about 4 other appointments, two sessions with the job-hating Junior Dentist, a homophobic rant from the Senior Dentist (inspired by none other than Sir Elton John as I’m sure you can guess), and a huge bill for my Insurance Company later, I am now prepared to show the world my billion-dollar smile!!

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…And it’s worth every cent!!

4 comments:

  1. That smile is most def worth all your trouble.... NICE!!!

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  2. nice smile Tari......

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  3. you're so silly Tare...lol!
    T.Peters

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  4. tari plss what dentise did u go to and what was the bill. i have cracked a tooth n need to c a dentist.

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