Weight Loss: The Long Throat Value

Please raise your hand if you are like me; sick and tired of this whole weight loss fiasco. Where the heck did it all spring up from anyway? Is it someone's brilliant way of placing a whole lot of people, primarily the women-folk, in a newly developed form of slavery??
I mean there I am, sitting in my inner sanctuary meditating on the events of the day gone by, when suddenly a very welcome and elevating prescence envelopes me. I'm literally levitated by this prescence and like a zombie, move toward the door to be more closely acquainted with this powerful and pleasant apparition. There it lies, sizzling tantalisingly in the pan, sending out it's powerful aroma to beckon those of us who have an innate appreciation for the good things of life.
Plantain- delicacy of the irrespressible Nigerian taste buds; sweet and succulent with a myriad of tastes waiting to explode into a culinary frenzy on your senses(what??).


Why then does one lady come on television to tell me that I cannot eat plantain in the way that my forefathers have celebrated for generations. Does she fill me in on how I can explain that to my taste buds? No, she doesn't!! She quite simply believes that I should even be grateful that she's telling me this, but who really cares? Well the vast majority of us do, since we believe that we can only look good thin.
Who can help this divided heart of mine? I'm torn between loyalty to my forefathers culinary inventions and my ailing self-esteem's desire to be affirmed-thin.