How to Get a Strong Signal on God's Network

‘Tari Ekiyor is wondering what life would have been like if I was trying to get through to God and there was network problem! Chai!!’

Tari’s Facebook Status: 30th December 2009

It does seem sometimes as though no matter how hard and frequently we pray, we are not getting through to God. It feels as though He either can’t hear us or has just chosen to ignore our desperate cries for help.

As British pop singer, Robbie Williams succinctly put it in his 2002 classic ‘Feel’, …”I sit and talk to God, but He just laughs at my plans”, sometimes it really does seem as if life is God’s big joke at our expense.

In response to a Facebook friend’s comment to my status in which she stated that it sometimes feels as though there is network problem in getting through to God, I acknowledged that it most likely is because we are in a place of bad reception.

God is. He doesn’t change; He doesn’t take vacations; He doesn’t sleep.

We on the other hand, are prone to fear, anxiety, distress, discouragement, doubt, and all other things that keep our focus on everything but God Himself.

A place of good Reception in which we can effectively communicate with God, is that place of absolute quiet and complete trust in Him.

“… in quietness and trust is your strength”

The strongest signal from God comes when we lay all of our worries, fears, doubts and fix-it solutions at His feet and rely on His strength alone to get us through the storms of life.

This Bible Verse which has helped me through many, many troubles (which most times I cause for myself) states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God; and the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”

This verse calls on us to exchange our doubts, worries, fears and ideas for the Peace that only God can give.

Aaaahhh perfect Peace!! There is nothing, absolutely nothing like it.

Have a Peace-filled 2010.

1st Bible verse: Isaiah 30:15
2nd Bible verse: Philippians 4:6,7

The 'Na Wa O' Blessing

“Na wa o” is a term that I’m certain every Nigerian and wanna be Nigerian has used at least 10times in their lifetime.

It is a Pidgin English exclamation that is used to express awe and disbelief. It is the most likely term of expression a Nigerian would use when he/she is overwhelmed by something, either in a positive or negative way.

The most recent ‘Na wa o’ I heard was earlier today when a guy I know used it.

Sunday is a Security Guard at my office. He is the best of the entire team and also the youngest. His excellent service was rewarded recently by the Company he works for as he was made Supervisor over all his other much older and experienced colleagues.

What sets Sunday apart from the rest is simply his attitude to the job.

He acts as though being a Security guard is the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

He is polite, courteous, friendly and helpful to all who he is opportune to interact with.

He runs like the Tasmanian devil is after him, to switch on the generators when there is a power cut, so that we who are in our offices don’t even notice that the power is out.

Sunday, is generally a great guy and the second best Security guard I know. The first still remains our guard at home (will tell you about him another time).

So this morning, Sunday received a surprise gift from an unlikely source. He really wasn’t expecting what he was given and from his reaction it was obvious that it couldn’t have come at a better time.

Sunday was visibly shaken; obviously overwhelmed by what he’d just been given and all he could repeatedly utter was….”Ah…Na Wa O!!!”

My prayer for you in this New Year is that God will do so many great and wonderful things in your life that will overwhelm you so much that all you’d be able to say is “NA WA OOOOOOOOOO!!”

May nothing happen to cause you to use the term to convey any negative feelings. Amen.

How to make a successful New Year Resolution

Hellooooo and Merry Christmas!!

This holiday (or lack of it for some of us) has zoomed past as though it had a train to catch. I hope you had a really great Christmas and are looking forward to the New Year even half as much as I am.

I am really excited about the New Year!! Not because I plan to make any resolutions that I know I’ll forget about before February, but because I’ve just discovered the way to make life choices for the New Year that will stick all year.

If you’re anything like me, and make Resolutions all the time about breaking bad habits or patterns, but find yourself even more deeply bound to those die-hard old habits, then this is just for you.

A wise man I know, when asked about New Year Resolutions during a TV Interview put it this way; “This year resolve to be a better person; a more giving person; a more loving person”.

It sounds so simple, yet this simple resolution is the way to finally break out of the old repetitive cycles that have held us bound New Year after New Year!!

By focusing on an internal motivation, rather than the external factors, you re-create your world into the paradise you never even dared to dream about.

For example, if you've been resolving to lose weight for the past 5years, and each year you vow to eat less, exercise more and do all those other crazy weight-loss regimens; but you never go through with your plan.

Try a new method this year, by telling yourself, "This year I resolve to be healthy"

This way, the focus is on Being rather than Striving.

Everything that is necessary to enable you adopt the healthy lifestyle patterns that will enable you Be that healthy person will be made available to you.

So let me be the first to say it: “In 2010, I resolve to be honest with myself; generous with myself; and content with who I am”

Your turn....

My Conversation with Kim Kardashian

Yeah so I spoke to one of the sexiest women on planet UNIVERSE!!! And our conversation went thus…

(phone ringing, Kim picks up)

KK: (angrily) I SAID I DIDN’T GET ANY BUM IMPLANTS!!!

Tariere: Hello! Hello Kim…

KK: Stop calling me all you jealous psycho Reporters!!

Tariere: Kim, Hey Kim…

KK: I said STOP….

Tariere: Kim, Kim…

KK: CAL…

Tariere: Kim, I can’t hear you, you’re CRACKING UP…but if you can hear me…

KK: GET OFF MY ASS!!

Kim slams phone down.


CRACK IS WACK!!!

This is a Public Service Announcement brought to you by the CRACKED OUT Foundation.

The Tiger Syndrome

Hellooooo!! Hope you all had a great weekend!! I had a veeerrryyy lazy one in bed. I’ve probably broken the world record for total number of hours slept at a go!! But it was so worth it as I feel like a suitcase of diamonds today!!

So as you can already imagine, my weekend was not very eventful! Well up until Sunday evening when I decided to go and see what my fellow crazy Lagosians were up to. Trust the people of this beautiful city called Las Gidis, they didn’t disappoint me.

A new club that’s just opened somewhere in Victoria Island threw its doors open for all we bored and um…thirsty Insomniacs that wouldn’t pass up on any opportunity to have a great time, not even on a Sunday evening.

So there we were, on a breezy Sunday evening, tons of people lazing around a steaming pool with loud music being played by I have to admit one of the hottest DJ’s around; shirtless guys and half-naked girls, rivers of alcohol….and you know the drift…just another typical day in the city of Lagos.

Well in usual Gidis style, the night isn’t complete without the compulsory dose of gossip to give it just that extra punch it needs. I was really just getting into the groove of things when my dosage was brought to me. I was quite excited to hear it; you can’t blame me I’ve been out of touch with anything but my bed for the past few days.

So I’ve decided to share with you some hot, fresh out of the oven Lagos gist, that you wouldn’t be getting anywhere else….City People (biggest gossip mag in Lagos)style!!

A gorgeous and extremely sexy Lagos Big Babe, who is well-known within the inner circuits of the Island crowd, especially for her sexual prowess among the guys (and speculatively the girls too) and also for her very liberal spending habits was caught pants down in a very ‘posh’ and ‘exclusive’ nightclub that is meant strictly for the A-listers.

The unfortunate Big Babe was ‘ooohhhing’ and ‘aaahhhing’ as she was being shagged (City People wouldn’t use ‘shagged’ though) by an extremely popular and well-connected Lagos Big Boy who is rumored to be hooked on certain substances of an addictive nature, when her boyfriend walks in on them!! SCANDAL!!!

Caught right in the thick of things, she couldn’t pull a Shaggy (It wasn’t me!!) on him, and now has to leave with the consequences of her actions…Being Dumped!!! Very unfortunate, as this is the only guy who in spite of her reputation as a promiscuous young lady was willing to go the extra mile with her.

Wow!! I really might indeed make it as a Gossip Columnist!! Anyway, this gist was very sweet to hear; especially as all the parties involved were present as it was being whispered to me! So I was very excited…but my excitement soon turned to shame and disgust for myself.

There I was (we were) entertaining ourselves with something very real that someone was going through. I was disgusted because who are we to laugh at her and judge her for what she did just because SHE got caught?!

Such behavior from our human race didn’t just begin today, after all it was Jesus who famously said to an angry mob about to stone an adulterous woman to death, “Let he who has no sin cast the first stone”.

I want to publicly apologize to Tiger Woods, Britany Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Tu-face, the mysterious Lagos Big Babe, and every other person whose difficult situation, mistake or caught with their pants down moment (I’m sorry I can’t help myself) I’ve ever laughed at, judged or entertained myself with, without thinking about what they may be actually going through personally.

But away from the Tiger Syndrome for now...what would you do if you were caught with your pants down just like our mysterious Lagos Big Babe or well, Tiger Woods??!

The Paymaster

We’ve been talking about labels for the last few days (well, I’ve been talking about labels seeing that you have shied away from giving your views) The Fallback Girl and the Un-available Man were the two labels that we one-sidedly discussed.

The label I’m sharing today I must admit has had me cracking up since the first time I heard it last week. It is none other than…get ready for it…The Paymaster!!!

The Paymaster as I have come to understand it from a girls’ perspective, is that one ‘Chairman’, the guy that takes care of all your needs and gives you a steady and unlimited supply of cash whenever you need it (and when you don’t).

The girl may reciprocate The Paymaster’s ‘kindness’ by providing sexual favors or err…um…whatever kind of ‘other’ favors that he may require which may sometimes exceed the conventional sexual boundaries…(use your imagination dammit!!!). On very rare occasions, The Paymaster just requires the companionship of a warm blooded young female, and nothing else.

Conversely, there is also the existence of The Paymistress, who plays the same role to tons of young, pretty guys here in Nigeria. Interestingly, some of the beneficiaries of The Paymistress as I’ve heard include certain popular Nollywood actors, Lagos ‘Big Boys’ and even some of our very own beloved music Superstars!!

So there you have it, my revelation of three very important labels which I just got acquainted with recently (…and don’t you mistake that for naivety!!).

I really, really want to hear what you have to say about these labels. I know you have a lot of interesting opinions or experiences to share about them, which I and I’m sure other (anonymous) readers would love to hear.

Your comments are always welcome.

The Emotionally Unavailable Man

“I’m dating an Emotionally Unavailable man and it’s driving me crazy”. That was the revelation made to me by a dear friend of mine who reached the depths of depression and had begun to feel as though life wasn’t worth living anymore.

My first reaction in my mind to her revelation of the cause of her chronic depression was livid anger. I was pissed off by the fact that this beautiful and absolute fun to hang-out with friend had become a shadow of herself just because some guy was using Emotional Unavailability as his excuse to remain un-committed to her.

I literally had to hold myself back from screaming at her to stop making excuses for him by labeling him Emotionally Unavailable when in truth he probably just didn’t want to give her any form of commitment as she was expecting.

Well, thank God I restrained myself; it’s not my words that should cause someone to finally jump off a bridge.

Talking angrily to myself, I said “Someone should give the same guy a suitcase full of free cash for himself, and you’ll see plenty of very available emotions!!”

Pissed off as I was, I decided to take time out to do some research into what the term ‘Emotionally Unavailable’ meant. As far as I was concerned it was just something we women, when in desperate situations with men, convince ourselves is the reason why a man is not responding to us in the way we think he should.

And the men themselves, knowing they probably don’t have a convincing reason why they are not committing themselves to women, have also adapted it as the excuse. I can only imagine how many clueless men have hidden behind the shadow of ‘Emotional Unavailability’ to maintain their freedom to have their way in relationships.

So I began the digging, and as always it is amazing how a little information can cause a complete paradigm shift, if you open your mind to it.

Even though men are most often tagged with this label, Emotional Unavailability as I now realize, is not gender specific.

Put simply, it can be defined as the inability to communicate and share personal feelings with another person.

The Emotionally Unavailable Person (E.U.P) builds emotional barriers between themselves and people or a person close to them, to deny emotional access and remain invulnerable.

The E.U.P is governed by one driving force, FEAR. Past experience or fear of rejection causes this person to guard themselves from any danger of their emotional self being exposed in any way.

The E.U.P will invest heavily in a relationship with gifts, selfless service, attentive listening and basically any other thing that doesn’t require an investment of his/her deep emotions.

It is the natural need for intimacy that drives all human beings to seek relationship. Intimacy is that state of pure and unashamed nakedness of the soul in the presence of another person.

It is being able to be with someone and be ridiculously silly, downright honest, totally unafraid and self unconscious, and yet be loved and celebrated.
It is being able to just be You with another person. Not having to lie or be ashamed of who you are.

Tragically, we are sometimes burnt badly when we open ourselves to others this deeply. However, we can’t allow these bad experiences rob us of the potential joy of finding true Intimacy.

Intimacy can only be achieved in a relationship where both parties feel a strong sense of trust and security toward each other.

When you find Intimacy, then you can dare to say you’ve found your Soulmate.

What a blessing!!

It breaks my heart to imagine that every Emotionally Unavailable Person will lose out on this great blessing, as long as they remain as they are.

Until tommorrow when I bring you the next label, Be Good!!

The Fallback Girl

Within the last two weeks, I have been let in on certain words within popular vocabulary that I didn’t quite understand before. These are words that a lot of people use in passing but may not really understand the depth of their meaning.

They are labels that we have cast on people within our environment or even ourselves because of situations or positions that they or we are in.

Within the next few days, I’m going to bring up each of these labels and talk a little about them. I would also really love to hear your ideas of what these labels represent and any experiences you might have had regarding them.

The first label is one that is quite interesting to me primarily because I have been it at certain points of my life and also because I can look around me right now and point out dozens of people I know whose present situations are what it represents:

The Fallback Girl

The Urban Dictionary defines a Fallback Girl as ‘a girl that a guy will always go back to after he is done with his current infatuation. She gets labeled the fallback chick because she will most likely take him back every time. She may or may not be aware that she is his fallback; she may even think she's his main girl while he does his dirt behind her back (or in her face). Or he keeps her around…’

I’m going to complete this dictionary’s definition by adding these words to the end ‘keeps her around as his safety net’.

She is the girl that the guy doesn’t necessarily want to commit himself entirely to, but wants to have around because he is certain that she will always be there to receive him whenever he chooses to come back.

She is the girl who wants something beyond what the guy is giving to her, but is too afraid to keep demanding for it as she doesn’t want to chase him away…so she settles for the crumbs she’s being offered.

She is the girl who is on the side while a guy is in a relationship, and makes excuses to herself because she has believed him when he says that she’s the one he really wants to be with.

She is the girl who is deceived into believing a guy is truly in love with her because he begs and begs her when she tries to leave. She is unaware that he’s just trying to protect his ego as he is afraid of losing control over this person whose emotions he’s been able to manipulate over time.

She is the girl who has stuck with a guy while he was in a relationship, and is unashamedly happy when that relationship is over. She patiently waits for him when he says he needs some time to heal, believing that now she can be with him for real. However, while she’s waiting, she discovers that he is now dating someone else. Yet she stays with him, still on the side and back to her original situation.

She is the girl who has defined herself so much by a relationship which she secretly knows is unhealthy, yet can’t bring herself to leave because of the fear of where to start from again.

She is the girl who has threatened to leave the relationship so many times but has still remained in it enduring the heartache and discomfort being there brings her.

She is the girl who has become like ‘the Boy who cried Wolf’ because she isn’t taken seriously by the guy when she threatens to leave, so he does whatever he pleases confident that she wont be going anywhere.

She is the girl who has lost all confidence in herself because of this relationship that makes her doubt her worth as a woman and as an individual.

I realize that there can also be conversely the Fallback Guy who is in the same situation the Fallback Girl is in and carries the same emotions.

It’s so easy to believe you are what a situation, a person or a relationship makes you out to be.

True liberty is in taking ownership and defining who and what you want to be. Today’s Fallback Girl or Guy is tomorrow’s whole, complete and total (I know they all mean the same thing jo) woman who is confident about who she is, wouldn’t settle for anything less than God’s best, and believes that what the future holds for her is far greater than anything she chooses to walk away from today.

For more resource on the Fallback Girl, check this out

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-fallback-girl-the-girl-who-cried-wolf/

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Label…

Vice-President of the 'Alanta' Nation

There is this new dance that has completely taken over here in Nigeria. It is called ‘Atlanta’ or more popularly, ‘A-lan-taa’.

There is no dance floor or social gathering here that can be complete without someone or everyone going wild doing ‘Alanta’.

I mean even in church one day, the entire choir burst out into a choreographed ‘Alanta’ session.

I do a mild ‘Alanta’ myself, nothing too spectacular even though friends have over time tried to teach me to do the different brands of it. I just generally suck at dancing!!

Here’s a video that describes the move in full. For those of you who want to upgrade your Naija swag, get ready to screw your face up while you do the ‘Alantaaaaa…’



This dance is sooo hugely popular that even the Vice President and potential President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (depending on the outcome of our President’s health, and if the Constitution is respected) is getting down with it…


Vice President, Goodluck Jonathan

LOOOLLLL....till next time, keep getting your 'Alaanntaa' on!!!

Would you marry Me?

I’m a sucker for great romantic lines in movies (blame it on the girl in me!!).

My all time favorite line, which still gives me goose bumps regardless of how many times I hear it over and over again, has just got to be “You complete me”…a la Tom Cruise in ‘Jerry McGuire’.

With all the Marriage Contract wahala he and Katie Holmes are going through right now, all I wonder is why he didn’t use that line on her. She would have married him in a flash without a care about how much she’ll be getting for each child she bears for him, or how much annual clothing allowance she’ll get.
Dude needs to get his head out of the moon (where he has Real Estate by the way) and start realizing how much power his little mouth holds.



Tom Cruise screaming 'Show me the money' in Jerry Mc Guire

My second favorite romantic line (or series of lines) in a movie is definitely from Tyler Perry's ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman’.
Guy wants to propose to his lady; first of all she just wakes up to find a ring on her finger. She doesn’t know where it has come from, so she goes to him asking how far. He looks her deep in her eyes and (so I don’t spoil it for you just in case you haven’t seen the movie) tells her “……all I need you to do is wake up every morning, I’ll take it from there…..be my wife”. (Tari screaming)


Shemar Moore- he played Orlando who made the proposal

I didn’t think lines or marriage proposals could get any better than these until last night, when I heard a proposal (not made to me…arrrrggghhh). I would replay the proposal to you before I tell you who made it, but I’ve got to tell you, it is by far the most realistic, well thought out, and classic proposal ever made…and it goes thus:

I have put the translation in bracket for the benefit of those who don’t understand pidgin English

(Man proposing)

…I no need anything from you (…I don’t need anything from you)
No give me your money, keep am (Don’t give me your money, keep it)
The only thing wey I want na to love you (The only thing I want is to love you)
I wan take care of you (I want to take care of you)
I no want make you do anything at all sef (I don’t want you to do anything at all)
Na me go wash car, wash house, (I will wash the car, wash the house)
Wash your clothes, wash plates (…your clothes, and the plates)
I go even go market sef (I will go to the market)
I no go stay long for market (I wouldn’t stay long there)
If I stay long, as I dey come back (If I stay long, on my way back…)
I go pluck cane (I’ll pluck a cane)
Make you take am flog me (For you to flog me with)
Anything wey you want I go do (Ill do anything you want)
I no go look any other woman except you (Ill not look at any other woman but you)
In fact, I go even buy gun sef (In fact, I’ll buy a gun)
So if I look another woman, (So that if I look at another woman…)
Make you take am shoot me (You can shoot me with it)
Just marry me, na all I want. (All I want is fr you to marry me)

And they say Nigerian men are not romantic!!! This is the most romantic proposal that’s ever been made and it was made by none other than Pa James of the famous Papa Ajasco TV series.


Pa James (on the left)

Of course the lady he was proposing to agreed to marry him!! What the heck, I’d have married him myself!!

Kiss Ass Theory

“Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where are all the philosophers of this age?”

Err probably chasing after some star; in underground schools pursuing levels of education that are yet to be initialized; or scratching their un-shaved heads as they try to come up with the next big lie (or their own version of truth) that would confuse the world much more than it already is.

Great philosophers live beyond their time through the idea or collection of ideas they propounded in their lifetime, which are now either pitching countries at war against each other, impoverishing the majority for the benefit of the opportuned and (very rarely) bringing the comfort of understanding life’s simple issues to complex men.

Some Renowned Philosophers and their Theories: A brief lesson from someone who had to re-take her Philosophy Course 3 times while in University

John Stuart Mill and his theory of Utilitarianism (or Greater Happiness Principle) which states that the basic guide to moral action should be the maximization of pleasure and the minimization of pain. He believed that actions are right only if they promote happiness and led to the absence of pain. On the other hand, actions are wrong if they tend to produce the reverse of happiness. (Quick question Stuart; what about if my ‘happiness’ is causing another person pain? Oh sorry, you’re dead so you can’t answer me)

Thomas Hobbes and his Materialism and Social Contract Theory in which he respectively states that everything is corporeal (tangible), including God; he believes that the natural state of man is one of war and strife, unless acted upon and governed by the rules of social living. Without Social Contract (laws) society would disintegrate and it would be a war of every man against every man. (Err Tommy, didn’t you notice that this is the case even with the very best of ‘Social Contracts’??)

See why I had to take the darned course 3 times??

Don’t worry I wouldn’t bore you with the philosophies of Karl Marx, Hegel, John Locke, Jean Jacques Rousseau and many, many other great philosophers who have immortalized themselves in the individual and collective minds of humanity, through their revolutionary thinking.

However, there is one philosopher whose identity is a mystery I would love to be revealed. The brilliant mind that came up with what I have coined the ‘Kiss Ass Theory’.

This is a very powerful theory; simpler in its content than any of the thousands of theories propounded by all of the Greats, yet so powerful that it is believed and practiced by people all over the world.

This theory is a unifier in that both the rich and poor, old and young, black and white, male, female and gender challenged , Communist and Capitalist, Democrat and Progressive, Punk Rocker and Hip-Hopper, Gay, Straight and Confused, everyone lives this theory and even endorses it as the way to go.

I’d always been familiar with this theory, even lived it to some degree myself, but I didn’t realize how powerful and ‘normal’ it has become, until the day I was around people who verbally endorsed it as The Way.

I happened to overhear a conversation between two people (alright I was eavesdropping okay, but if they didn’t want anyone to hear they would have moved away abi??), and one was telling the other about an upcoming meeting with a Governor who he/she is supposed to get a contract/political appointment from (I’m sorry, I just cant resist trying to confuse you!! (Insert: Tari’s evil laugh)).

The other person’s instinctive response to what he/she had just heard went thus: “Ah that’s great!! No wahala, you’ll get it. Just tell him of all the wonderful things he’s been doing in the State and how he’s the best Governor the state has ever been blessed with. He’ll be very happy….”

The conversation went on and on and on, I’ve gone ahead to award that particular conversation the title, ‘A Crash Course on Rain Seeking: The Naija Way’.

Maybe it would have been better if I had not even heard the Conversation, because it left me very confused, and trust me that’s never a good thing for me. I was confused because this particular state which the Governor in question runs has one of the highest poverty rates in the country in spite of the amount of resources generated from it; the majority of people in that state live in such a state of squalor that should be rendered criminal!!

What I’m saying is that it is blatantly obvious to even a lay dog that nothing, no form of social development, is going on in that state. It is mind boggling that any sane Nigerian, who sees and knows this, and actually has an opportunity to sit with the Governor who can make the difference for all those ‘voiceless’ people dying everyday because of his inaction, would be concerned only in puffing up his already over-inflated ego just to enrich his/her own self??!



A Rain Seeker is quite simply someone who derives (or tries to) economic benefit for political patronage.
The Rain Seeker is first cousin’s with The Sycophant who is a servile seeker who attempts to win favor by flattering influential people.

Please raise your hand if you know any Rain Seeker or Sycophant.

Please raise your hand if you are a Rain Seeker or Sycophant.

Please raise your hand if you’ve ever wondered why Nigeria is the retarded giant she is.

The Kiss Ass Theory is the ‘Social Contract’ that all of Nigeria has consciously or unconsciously signed in the bid for self preservation.

Whether it’s in Politics, Business, Friendship, and even in Religion, everyone just says what the next person wants to hear. The remnant who even attempt to say what needs to be heard are in such danger of extinction that they just give up and try to save their own behinds.

The heartbreaking truth about the efficacy of this Theory, especially with regards to the Conversation I eavesdropped in, is that the possibility of that person winning the Governor’s favor using what was learned from the Crash Course, is riding on 95%!!

Femi Anikulapo-Kuti laid it down to us as it is ‘TRUTH DON DIE!!!


Femi Anikulapo-Kuti (with the sax)

The tragedy is that unlike Jesus Christ, truth doesn’t have the power to resurrect on its own. It’s up to you and me to decide if we want to be liberated from this Social Contract.

Speak the Truth.

I’ll be the first to admit that it’s sometimes not easy (what the heck, I’m still reeling from the strong lie I told yesterday); however it’s the only way forward, and we can do it.

The Light in the Valley

This past weekend I watched Tyler Perry’s ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman’ again. Great movie; very rich story told in the simple yet profound way that Tyler Perry is renowned for.

The movie is about a woman who had been married to the ‘perfect’ guy for the past 18 years. Her life from an observer’s point of view is a modern day fairytale; the huge mansion with servants to wait on her, a wardrobe that is every woman’s idea of heaven, the sleek Mercedes, and finally the confident and extremely successful lawyer for a husband, who doted on her publicly and attributed the credit for his success to her.

What more could any woman ask for?


Kimberly Elise- (most beautiful woman on earth) played lead role

Away from the public eye, her husband was her worst nightmare. He ridiculed her, beat her, and isolated her from her family and friends. She was trapped in her own fairy tale, for her Knight in shining armor was also the Warden of the prison that was her life.


Steve Harris- played the Monster Husband

The irony of her imprisonment was that the idea of being set free itself was one that wasn’t even within her range of options. She had never worked a day in her life, thanks to her husband who insisted that she didn’t; had no-one or nowhere to go to, oh and she signed a pre-nup!! (DEATH TO ALL PRE-NUP’S!!)

As if her situation wasn’t bad enough, her husband comes home one evening with his Mistress in tow, and asks her to leave as he was sick of having to keep his Mistress and their sons out of his home. The nerve of the man!! She had suffered from two miscarriages because of all he’d put her through and he actually had gone to have kids with another woman?!

In front of his Mistress, he dragged her out of his house into a waiting truck, leaving her with no money or a forwarding address.

She had nothing; he had been her everything. After 18 years.

Talking about how foolish this woman was would call for another session of its own; however, it’s her journey after the loss that I’m more interested in right now.

Where does one start from when you pour yourself out in a relationship or any other of life’s endeavors, and you come out with nothing?

From where does the confidence or faith that there is a future beyond this point come from?

When your entire life has revolved around a particular person or project for a time, how do you get your life back?

Is there even any life for you outside of this?

These thoughts send a shiver down my spine because I realize that the place where one is pondering these questions is the valley of any human journey.

The valley of the shadow of death.

The point of no return where down seems like the only way up.

Where the only company is the grip that wrenches your heart so hard that your dam of tears is broken and emptied out, leaving you dry and without the strength to even cry anymore.

Where the darkness is like an overpowering force that wrestles you in a bid to bury you among the dry bones of those who have not made it out of this place.

Your strength is gone, so the darkness is having a field day giving you uppercuts, close lines and body slams. Your cries of pain are lost in the echo of the valley as there is no-one there to help you.

Or so it seems.

“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For Thou art with me…”

There is help in the valley. Look up to the mountain.


The Makran- located in Central Asia

The ray of light you see is the rope sent down from high up to pull you out of this dark place.
“I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth”

Everyday in this valley I search for my ray of light. I hold unto it for what it is- my only hope of ever leaving this valley.

In this place of depression, pain and suffering, the hardest thing to do is to find anything to be thankful for.

There is always that one thing. Your ray of light.

No amount of darkness can overcome it.