Wednesday, June 9, 2010

My thoughts on the Alicia Keyes, Mashonda & Swizz Beats Love Triangle

A couple of friends and I were chatting about the Alicia Keyes and Swizz Beats affair.

For the benefit of those who have no clue, Swizz Beats was married to Mashonda Tifrere, a singer/Songwriter who he discovered in 1998. They have a 3 year old son together. They recently split up after reports of an alleged affair between Swizz Beats and singer, Alicia Keyes.

Swizz & Mashonda

Alicia and Swizz Beats have now come out openly with their affair and are even expecting a baby together. The couple is also engaged, and plans to tie the knot later this year.

Now most of the people I was having this conversation with voiced out their contempt and disgust for Alicia Keyes, and the fact that she did not only have an affair with a married guy, but also allowed him leave his wife for her.

About the having an affair with the married guy part, I didn’t say much, except “Let him who has no sin cast the first stone!!”

Well, I said it in my mind sha, otherwise na me dem for stone finish!!

I was more interested in the “allowing him leave his wife for her part”. Let’s open this up a little by extending it also to a guy who has a girlfriend or basically anyone who is committed to another person.

It seemed to my friends as though I was on Alicia Keyes side, but the truth is I’m not on anyone’s side, I just like to understand a situation from the perspectives of all parties involved.

From Mashonda’s perspective, I can only imagine the pain and shame involved with not only knowing your man is seeing someone else, but the fact that he is doing it openly and everyone seems to know about it. Even more painful is Swizz’s lyrics on Drake’s ‘Best I Ever Had’, where he is clearly referring to Alicia when he says:

“Wake up in the morning and my baby cooked me breakfast, A’s wearing nothing on but a necklace…She gave me a party at the Guggenheim…What’s next? The ring? The baby?”

Alicia Keyes did have a birthday party for Swizz beats at the Guggenheim Museum in New York. Mashonda claims the song was made and released while she was still involved with Swizz.


So I feel her pain, which she communicated in a letter to Alicia Keyes, describing how the affair with her husband has hurt her entire family.

From Alicia Keyes perspective on the other hand, hmmmnnn.. It’s hard!

I’m sure every one of us can relate to wanting something so bad that you are willing to go to sometimes, any length, to getting it. When you want like that, you become so focused on getting that thing that it is very easy to become blinded to the pain and anguish you might be causing someone else, as you try to create your own ‘Happiness’.

Alicia Keyes

Alicia Keyes, if we go by all the allegations against her, was only expressing the innate selfishness that is the nature of all human beings. I can only imagine the things she would have told herself to help justify her actions.

“Oh their marriage isn’t working out anyway”, “It’s me he loves, and I love him, we have to be together”, “We’re greeaattt together! That must mean we belong together!!”

Swizz Beats & Alicia Keyes

I doubt that she put a gun to Swizz’s head and said, “You must leave your wife and be with me”, but does she also have a responsibility as a woman, as a human being, as a lover, to say “I know we love each other so much, but leaving your wife would cause her and your kids tremendous pain, so as much as I want to be with you, I don’t think you should”.

Should she have said to him, “You’re a great guy and your place is with your family; as much as I want you, I also want you to do the right thing, which is to remain with your wife”.

If Alicia Keyes had taken any of these two approaches, would that have been more of an expression of her love for Swizz Beats??

Isn’t love more about inspiring the person you love to do the right thing and be a great person, rather than demanding that the person forsake their conscience or responsibility, to satisfy your own Wants?!

I know Swizz Beats is probably looked upon as the bad guy who just saw a better deal and moved on, disregarding the vows he took and his children’s need for a stable home with both parents. I know it’s clear that he simply ‘followed his heart’ and ended his marriage to be with the one he claims to love.

Swizz & Alicia

I doubt that it’s easy for ANY man to take the decision Swizz took to leave his wife for his lover. But as hard as it is to leave, it takes more balls and strength of Character to actually stay.

As I write this, I doff my hat to ALL the men who have loved or had deep passion for any woman outside of their marriage or relationship and had the balls to stick to their original commitment.

I know it’s not easy, but whoever said doing the right thing is.

Your heart may truly be with the other person, but your responsibility is first and foremost to do the right thing, and then let God deal with the rest.

It’s very easy to sit in the comfort of our living rooms and judge people for the choices they make in different situations, but I guess the reality of their choice hits home harder when we ourselves are faced with the same.

Until we meet again, this is Tari Ekiyor, standing in for Jerry Springer..LMAO!!!


  1. I don't wanna judge, and i agree with u on both perspectives...AK could have walked away and if Swizz & Mashonda's marriage wasn't working, let it have ended on their own terms without her being involved.
    They can talk about how the marriage wasn't working till the cows come home, but my question is was Mashonda aware of this?
    I am actually dissaointed in AK, i am and will remain a huge fan, i dont wanna judge her music based on her personal life, but we have to admit that in today's world your personal life contributes to your entertainment persona, we buy into the whole package...and right now honey AK's isn't looking as wholesome as it used to.
    Then again she does have a song called Karma...and can it be a bitch when it bites back?

  2. I have been down this road Alicia Keys is on and believe me, I know about wanting something so bad you disregard everything and everyone for what you "want". I remember my pillows soaked with tears, but I DID not break up anyone's marriage, neither did I sleep with the person in question. You have NO idea how hard it was to do the right thing especially with HIM telling you, "I'm divorcing my wife and I want to marry you". The only thing that kept me sane and on the right part was simple: As a Yoruba girl, there's a proverb that says "pasan to fi na iyale nbe laja fun iyawo". In simple transliteration, the cane that was used to beat the senior wife is on the mantle in store for the junior wife.

    In other words, there is such a thing as karma and its coming back to haunt you or bite you in the ass. Although i eventually did the right thing, I still have regrets that I didn't do it sooner. i don't want to imagine the torment the woman went through. Suffice to say,he's still married to her and I believe they are very happy.

    Bottomline, Alicia keys had NO business doing that to another woman. So he recorded a song for her and she's preggies with his baby. Another 13 years down the line, who says he'll still be with you?

  3. mehhnn, i actualy lisned to mashonda on youtube and was inspired by her strength... the whole swizz alicia thingy... i rily dunno what to say... but i doubt if swizz wont pull dis same stunt on alicia or vice versa...... i think love shd start as friendship and commitment... then move on to oda things but errrrrr.... easier said than done......aint it?

  4. You-re incredible for writing this piece... i live the use of pigeon english in the midst of such intricate conversations. you are so right. i do think that no one can force a person to do that which they are capable of doing on their own merits.... its tough .. it hard because feeling get tangled... but its also time for Mashonda to be a business woman.... she stayed married for all those year and she must get her bank stacked as well and after all is said and done... whatever you do to someone good or bad has a funny way of showing itself up to you or your children and generation alike. its a little thing i call karma. [jay-z says the sings of the father finds a way .] and it does.

    so let her get her paper.... and let life heal.... i could only imagine but now its not about love... its about being a smart business woman.!!!

    "Let him who has no sin cast the first stone"

    are you in lagos? Yvonne sent my sister an invite to join your blog on face-book... i saw it and thought i'd check it out... I will definitely subscibe.

  5. I'm so confused by their relationship being such a BIG deal to so many people who do not know them personally, let alone who do not have all of the FACTS. I respect everyone's opinion, as we're all entitled to it, but because I know people affiliated with both parties it cracks me up to read some of these comments (on other sites as well). Everyone acts as if Swizz and Mashonda were living together, having breafast with one another and holding hands during walks in the park when Alicia came along...NOT. Mashonda and Swizz were NOT together and had not been for a long time when he and Alicia became involved. Rumor has it that Mashonda had hoped they would get back together but when Alicia was in the picture she realized that was not going to happen. And if anyone knows anything about divorce (especially in many U.S. cities) it can take a year or longer for the process to be finalized so being separated is like being divorce in many cities, minus the paperwork which is the real hold up. Is it because they're black that this is a big deal?? This happens in the world EVERYDAY...divorces are pending while other relationships begin. Get a life people!!! Others in Hollywood and your "next door neighbors" have done worse, why aren't you giving that your attention and let their love and relationships be what it is...a 'movement' without your involvement or a care for your opinions! xoxo

  6. we all get what we deserve at the end of the day.

  7. Tari, I have enuff opinions to serve as a new blog entry! But to summarise them, alicia messd up big tym n so did swizz. He is jus a naughty man n she shoulda known beta.

    We all get the choice between right n wrong. Wrong is so easy to do. U know it must be right when it kills u to do it.

    Thr is no excuse for breaking up a home, bcos what's to say u havnt left the door open for someone else to come right along n break up urs.

    Anyways goodluck to them. May karma give them a moment to be happy, for the sake of the innocent baby, b4 it comes to give them their right&just desserts!

  8. Great perspectives everyone!! By the way, Mashonda and Swizz's son is 3 not 13 like I said in bad!!

  9. We are humans, and as our nature dictates we tend to satisfy our inate needs. Most times we want things that we cannot have, but in this case what she wants actually wants her too... so why the uproar/outrage. Swizz found out that he cant be with M anymore so they broke up. Shikena

  10. well,am certainly not going to cast a stone at alicia,cos we make mistakes,don't we? even the pope.that's why we are's hard being jilted and twice as hard being the other woman,so..ehmn i rest my case.

  11. We are all human and we all make mistakes, however when an act is morally wrong, it is wrong and nothing stops one from admitting it.
    When an individual decided out of his own free will to enter into marriage, it is a forever commitment. Even if he was having problems with his wife, relationships go through highs and low and Alicia should not have jumped into that situation.

    What she has done is wrong. They have both made their bed, they should get ready to sleep in it when karma hits them.

  12. Karma! Karma! Karma!!

    One of the saddest things about being adult is the way black and white tends to blend into several different shades of grey....

    Yes! We all know about Karma, right and wrong, and every other textbook term for these situations. But you don't know what the true story is when you are not a part of the equation. It's easy to come at all the parties with our varying opinions of right and wrong, but there has got to be something there or they wouldn't risk it all to have a go at it. Much as everyone would like to paint AK as a demon personified who's having the easiest time of it jumping into an already existing relationship, i'm certain that it was hell for her to come out and be the object of everyone's scorn for a love she believes in. It's difficult both ways and that's just life. I wish them all well. The truth about life is that some relationships hurt and destroy more for even being in them that it might be better all around this way. I support noone, but ppl just need to realise that it's not all black and white.

  13. the thing people need to learn about relationships/marriage is: there would most likely be someone else in the pic. at 1 time or the other, what makes you a "somebody" is making the choice of commitment, especially in marriage! please lets call a spade a spade and stop allowing moral degradation. if they were actually together (swizz and Mashonda) when this hapend, then swizz and alicia fucked up and i'm sure alicia is gonna surely have a taste of her own song....but if not...WTF!! so i'm sorry to say,but for those that say there's no big deal in leaving your wife/husband for sum1 else...back in your faces!!! cos its just totallyyyyyyy EFFFFFdddddd.....peace out!!

  14. Wonderful piece Tari...and welcome from the break....
    Love traingle never seem to end...i fink the last one i heard was the Sandra Bullock thingy....being the one rejected is hard to bear, i give it up to Mashonda for being so strong...
    ive got nothing 2 sya bout Swizz n Ak....all adults go into anything with eyes wide open, fully aware of the consequences, so i wish them well.."WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND"...abi Tari?lol

  15. Hey Missparky!! Drattt!! I thot no-one noticed that I havent been bloggin as much!!

    What goes around does come around sister!! Like I said to someone yestday..except you repent of the action..and if someone else does it to you, be more forgiving as u know uv done it to another person before.

    All you guys commenting are sooo Intelligent..its almost hard to keep up!! Lol

  16. oh please ppl... i Nigeria and the world over women date married men for yrs and most just for cash.. re u telling me if the guy wants to leave his wife for them they wont jump at it. that being the case pls before ppl blog and comment get ur facts right. he was seperated from Mashonda before dating AK. Mashonda was ranting after that. they didnt even announce their marriage plans and pregnancy until 3wks after his divorce was final.. Like was rightly said 'he wivout sin cast the 1st stone'. ppl saying karma the only karma they will get is love bcos thats wat we all deserve in this world.. world of hypocrites..

  17. What a nice article, i'm a huge fan of AK n hav got al her albums, i used 2 adore her sooo much cos i jus tot she had it al plus she has a charity in africa but i must say after readin this article i definitely wont be buyin her album anymore not dat i'm judgin her but i believe as a puplic figure dats part of what u pay 4 fame n she owes d responsibility 2 d puplic dats part of what makes her sell more records. I dnt no d ful story but based on ur facts what she did was so out of place. Funny nobody is really considerin d kid involved plus d 1 dats on d way, sick of pple jus followin their so called heart n not actually considerin their responsibilities 2. Som1 above mentioned pple datin married men 4 moni, what a sad world we liv in wer ladies nowadays jus wan 2 hav it easy at any cost, it's like pple dnt care abt what is rite anymore as long as they can get somth out of it. Anyway enough sed, my heart goes out 2 Moshonda n i hope it works out 4 them al especially d kids but i'm done with AK.

  18. I am no one to judge but, i feel it was truly wrong for AK to be involved with a married man as a WOMAN point blank no matter what he may have told her there's always two sides to every story apparently his wife (Mashonda) didn't know the relationship was not working. If Swizz was not happy he should of ended his marriage before the affair. And if the relationship between him and his wife was not on good terms why feel the need to hide the affair. I am a fan of AK but i must say after this very disgusted on her actions.When you truly love someone you can let them go and if it was meant to be swiss would of came back! .... with that being said i seriously doubt the relationship with AK and swizz will last because it didn't start off honest. And if he will leave his wife and child for AK trust me he will do it again AK your not that special either!!