Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Ladies, STOP Dancing To Their Tune!!!

At my Undisclosed Location on Sunday, something I found extremely remarkable happened.

I consider myself to be a Rock Star, not just because I want to believe that I am, but because I actually truly am!!

I love to dance. I don’t care that some people, like my friend, Toni Tones, think I’m the WORST Dancer Ever, but once that music is on, the Rock star in me unleashes herself.

However, whenever I go to the Clubs and I’m fully in my Rock Star mode, there’s only ONE thing that can make me stop dancing (not even my High heels).

Songs that are Disrespectful or Demeaning toward Women.

No matter how far gone into the music I am, or how SICK the DJ is, I ALWAYS stop dancing whenever those sort of songs come up.

The way I see it, I can’t stop Artistes from producing song lyrics that are demeaning to me, but the only POWER I have, is not to dance to those lyrics that insult my Dignity, Virtue and Honor as a Woman.

Any song that refers to Women as nothing but Tits & Ass, Sexual Objects, or anything that I find even slightly contrary to the way I see myself as a Woman, is a Non-Danceable tune for me.

So at my Undisclosed Location, I was watching a certain girl dance almost the entire time I was there. Why? She was a fantastic dancer! I also like people who freely express themselves as they want, so she definitely had my audience, cos she didn’t give a TOSS who was watching her.

In fact, as I watched her, I was laughing and saying to myself, “I think I’m a Rock Star, this babe is a ROCKAFELLA!!” she had sooo much energy and could move her body amazingly.

All of a sudden, the music changed, and she abruptly stopped dancing. I got immediately curious and walked up to her to ask her why she stopped dancing just like that.

She shocked the heck out of me by telling me it was because she found the song to be Demeaning to her.

I burst out laughing and hugged her like she was my long-lost sister. Then I told her how excited I was, because I had taken that stand on my own, within myself, and meeting her makes me know that I’m not alone.

So we talked about the issue for a little bit, and then the music changed and she continued entertaining me.

Her name is Busola Ogunsanya, and she is my first Comrade in this Movement.

Me & Busola

Ladies, we need to celebrate who we are, and what God has given us. We should not allow our experiences, other people’s expectations and ideals, define who we are.

We are more much more than Sex Objects, Tits & Ass, and objects for men or anyone who is willing, to ‘Make It Rain’ on.

Society, the Media, and the Entertainment Industry, can only piss on us because we bring ourselves LOW to be pissed on.

So Ladies, all I ask today is one thing: if deep inside your heart you feel even a slight inclination that certain lyrics are disrespectful and demeaning to you, DO NOT DANCE.

Imagine being in a Club, and everyone is having a GREAT time, and then a song like “F*#K ME HARD” comes up, and all the Women in that Club, immediately stop dancing, and maybe even take a seat;

If that action happens consistently, trust me, the DJ would NEVER play that song or anything like it again.

My heart broke into pieces at my Undisclosed Location on Sunday, as I watched very young girls dancing to songs like “F*#K Me Hard” with such passion and intensity, grinding to the floor and closing their eyes as the music took over them.

You guys, I was SAD. Look at these girls, how old are they, 16 -20 year olds, and they already believe that EVERYTHING such songs say, is Who they are.

So please Ladies, abeg, let’s take this stand together; DO NOT DANCE.

P.S - Guys you can STAND with Us on this, by not Celebrating such songs as well.


  1. pls amma publish this post on my timeline
    u are spot on

  2. it amazes me also. it affects me also. it upsets me also.
    tari, u hit the nail SMACK on the head with this piece.
    u r definitely not the only one who sees this as it is... a HUGE issue to be dealt with.
    nice one!

  3. where's the like tick when you need it. I hate songs with no meaning, demeaning songs and songs with too many swear words...songs that treat women like pieces of meat. I cosign everything you've said!

  4. I cosign your point of view on this. However I have to say for someone who portrays herself as a "nice" person on your blog, you are most certainly NOT.

    You always have a stank face when u see women more attractive than u are or who u feel even remotely threatened by. I should know, you give me dirty looks all the freakin time and I dont even know u like that. Sort out your attitude and the rest will follow, Just my opinion.

  5. *putting my hands over my head and screaming "YEEEKPAA!!"*

    Anonymous uv killed me ooo!! LMAO!! Stank face?! U are Anonymous so I dont even know if wat ur saying is true. Anyhow, about being a nice person, well, I try my best!!

    Its funny, people ALWAYS tell me Im frowning sometimes, but in truth I'm prob just concentrating deeply on a thought..which is what you prob refer to as a 'Stank face'.

    If wat u say about me being threatened by women who are more attractive than me is true, then I no go de comot for house now!!

    There are SOOO many beautiful women in this town alone, and I know a few who are my VERY good friends. So as much as you've cracked me up in laughter tonight, you for try ask me b4 you made your own conclusions and also tried to get others to beliv that.

    Anyway, please next time you see me and i give you a Stank face, just shout "STANK" and I'll know it's you...LMAO!!

    That goes for anyone else who might agree with Anonymous too.

  6. I second this motion! WORD!

  7. I'm being honest but perhaps I should've put it mildly since this is a public blog which other wiewers will read.

    Anyway, I cant speak for your character in its entirety cos I simply dont know you well enough. However this is the negative vibe I've personally received from u on several occassions especially because we share mutual friends.

    That aside, perhaps I will go ahead and scream STANK next time u do it, lol.

  8. Well said, I think women should take this stand.

  9. @Anonymous: My point can you make such a profound and SOLID judgement on my Character when you dont even know me?!

    Anyway, we have a deal on shouting 'STANK' if I ever do that to you again..Lol. And I truly am sorry if I ever made you feel bad by the 'unconscious' look you read as that..Ok?!

  10. You have raised some very valid points. And you are right. Nobody should dance to songs that they find offensive, not only to themselves but also to another set of individuals. But that raises the question of what is offensive, and what is not. In African proverb (One man's meat is another man's poison). What one Lady would find offensive, another lady won't. I wish I knew this F@#$ me hard song but I don't, I did a brief search of it on google for it, but different results from different artists came up, so I gave up. Maybe if I did, it would help.

    Ok, there are songs that the general majority would agree is downright offensive, but they are others with mixed views that generate debate. For example take the Khia Song "My Neck, My Back" I have heard Ladies say it is vulgar and demeaning. But i have also heard ladies say it is empowering. Would u say the later should stop dancing because the former did? Now I know in Nigeria, being "Sexually empowered" as a Lady is "frowned upon" in most circles, but thats a different topic.

    There are alot of ppl that would say dont listen to a certain popular rapper because he is taking swipes at ur religion. but alot of ppl would also say "i am not offended"

    I remember a fried once told me her experience of visiting a Gay club (in London). She was surprised that they played alot of Ragga/Bashment songs that disrespected Gays and called for their death. But all these (supposedly Gay) ppl where dancing and whining to these songs. That one is wierd sha but hey.

    Ok im babbling, but i hope u kinda get where i am coming from

    PS: I am a fan

  11. I have this same issues with 'funny' lyrics and I have no problems with stopping my mad woman dance-moves the moment something in the 'genre' comes up.

    However like delaice said, and I paraphrase; one woman's vulgrity would be another woman's chastity. A bit off, but you get my meaning, no?

    Therefore let everyone dance as she's persuaded in HER heart. If you enjoy being referred to as a b***h and you dance to lyrics that proclaim you as such because you like em; believe me, I won't be your comrade, but I won't knock your choice either.

    Self-worth goes beyond all that. Sometimes you're feeling naughty and you're with your bf and you wanna just own the feeling of the moment and those kinds of songs are playing and it's like...whoa! Lol.

    By the way...about Anonymous' post: Tari, I probably never told you this, but when I first met you I knew we would be friends because I recognised something I'm guilty of; a hard exterior that means absolutely nothing! By the third day down the road, you were on my 'wonderful people' list. You're a great girl and I don't care so much for people who assume that a stony face means anything more than what it is; I don't know you YET, so this is the face you get. You get?

    If someone isnt laden with insecurities I'm not sure why another person's 'look' should worry them. Strange thing.

  12. Delaice & Nk'iru i actually agree with you on that. I was going to add in the article that if you feel nothing in ur heart when these songs are being played, then 'Carry dey go'!!

    Nk'iru!!!! Wat a nice thing to say!! LOL @ 'I don't know you YET, so this is the face you get. You get?'

    Anyway, Anonymous and I have agreed that she'll shout 'STANK' next time she thinks I'm giving her 'The Look'..Lol

  13. I sometimes dont evn listen to lyrics, for me its more about the if i like the beats, i go carry on dancing o,some of those songs u're talking about have tight beats morovai strongly believe "nobody can make a fool of u without your consent" me its just a song,wouldnt let the words get to me cos no one can "demean" me as a woman without my consent not even with something as sill/fun as a song.