If you’ve NEVER flirted before, then you might need to take a Test of Human-ness!! Most likely, not all your flirt-devors (flirt endeavors hahaha) have worked; some may have landed you a drink over your head, a slap or two, a hiss, or even the most harmless but worst form of rejection..being Ignored.
Whatever the case, there is hope for you, as TARIERE is giving you tips on the cursed forms of Flirtation. Knowing these will definitely set you on the right path, whether you’re a girl or guy..
1. Spaced -Out: The right to maintain and have your Personal space respected is a natural right. Crowding someone to communicate your interest is a NO-No pleeaassee!! Forget all those silly Mills & Boons that would go “..and when he towered over me and overpowered me with his stably cologne…my heart stopped and I felt dizzy at the thickness of his gaze..” All that one does not work in Naija ooo..the sun is already too hot!! We need space to breathe!! Keeping a respectable distance while trying to talk to me for the first time tells me that you respect me and are not too presumptuous about how I’ll respond to you.
2. Pick-Up Lines: As in seriously, who invented these?! Why have they not become extinct?? Do they even work? I’d like to know one person that has ever had a successful relationship based on a pick-up line!! Maybe it’s cos I’m a Writer, but seriously, I wouldn’t even acknowledge a guy who comes and uses a pick-up line to try to talk to me. Whatever happened to being original and coming up with your own?! I can’t stand Copy n Paste guys so that’s a definite destined to fail Flirt-devor for me!!
3. Over-confident Aggression: I thought I was going to pass out with irritation yesterday while trying to have a quiet lunch by myself at a little Delicatessen tucked somewhere in V.I., and I kept being harassed by some loud and very full of himself man!! I came in alone, was sitting alone, and clearly wanted to be alone, so what on earth made him believe that by aggressively telling me over and over again to come and sit with him, I would somehow swoon and start rubbing his pot belly, I’d never know. As a woman (and I know its same with guys) I looove attention and so I want to believe that when a guy is flirting with me, it’s because of Me and not what he believes about himself. I want to see that he finds me attractive and wants to be with me, not that he thinks he’s the best thing that can happen to me just cos he’s rich, good-looking or influential.
4. Lewd or Sexual Overtures: I’m sorry ooo, some people probably think these are sexy, but I personally find them disgusting!! Till today, I lost all respect for one particular guy, who I know lots of girls who'll bark like dogs if he asks them to, just because he was trying to flirt with my friend and you wouldn’t believe what he did..he LICKED his lips!! Aahhhhhh..imagine standing with someone, staring intently at each other (cos he is really HHOOTT) and all of a sudden, he 360degrees licks his lips!! My friend almost tripped as she tried to run away in disgust!! Whatever happened to Subtlety?! And Girls..leaning over to ‘reach’ for something and ‘accidentally’ bumping your cleavage in his face?! Sooooo not sexy!! Destined to fail Sexual Flirt-devors also includes un-called for references to specific body parts on the other person.
5. Verbal Sexual Overtures: Part 2 of number 4 above, which has to do with situations like these: maybe I say “OMG…that’s sooo huge!!” talking about maybe an ice-cream cone or something random and guy responds saying “yeah, I get told that a lot”!! Loooll..alright tell me that’s not annoying. Can’t think of other even more annoying ones right now but GOOSSHH!!
So those are my 5 Destined to Fail Flirt-devors!! These apply for guys and girls..I know I’m speaking mostly from the girl perspective because it’s what I know but I’m certain that we girls also do some or all of these.
Please feel free to fill in any blanks I’ve left out...
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